The Iron Necklace

I'd come to this place of the past a visitor. Happy to have traveled back, honored by the experience. Not knowing the taste would leave me full. At the start a man of fame caught my eye. When passing I requested his autograph. He sensed I was from a different time.. that my dignity was in tact. He winced at my request... grimaced at my skin...wrote his name on the thin piece of paper; I smiled. Seeing my smile the man of fame tore the paper in two threw it to the ground spit on it and said: "I don't care about you." 

I opened my mouth and sharply told him that he meant nothing to me. I wanted to tell him that his hate was foolish, unfounded and ignorant but before my tongue lashed my tour guide grabbed my arm pulling me away; begging my pardon. As quickly as it happened was as quickly as I forgot it. But the past would not. "We must leave this town quickly" my guide says "get you someplace safe." 

 At the local market beside the building there were trucks all the drivers leaving soon. I boarded a truck with a man named Irie, who never spoke to me, only my guide asking: "Where are you headed?" "To the gym" my guide announced. The road offered no scenery. Just streets surrounded by blank white space as an empty page. 

I entered the gym firstly teeming with life a ball game in progress. Food offered at the door I accepted my delicious tomato and cheese sandwiches wrapped in wax paper with picnic patterns. Holding my sandwich I was asked to play the game as 1 team was short a person. I didn't have time  to officially accept as the ball was passed to me at the same time the question was posed. I caught the ball that smashed my sandwich but carefree I shot my jumper. As I came down from the air I brought down all the smiles in the room or so I thought. Smiling social faces were now silent, broken spirits with eyes full of fear. Every single body moved from the court  Every head bowed down eyes to the ground.  I sensed danger not looking around to lay eyes on it, I sought cover behind a tall curtain of a window in the gym. Through the curtain I could see two figures walking toward me. One with brown skin and poor mans clothing holding what looked like a medieval style helmet but there was nothing where the head should be. Just a neck piece of iron with a crank on the outside. The other a man white of skin in regal bright purple gold and blue cloth and the shoes of a Jester. Wearing a face that showed repugnance for all his eyes could see. His name was known as Justice.  I took a bite of my smashed sandwich and watched as Justice motioned for his hound man to pull back the curtain. As the curtain pulled back the smile of the brown hound man widened...a face like that of a shark. Teeth small and sharp... eyes that darkened and widened ... a shark who had just smelled blood. Frozen paralyzed with fear... simultaneously curious: "What do you want with me?!" The whole room gasp at my outspoken spirit. Justice didn't flinch. The brown man began to pant like a dog excited. "3 minutes." the Justice said while holding up 3 fingers. The brown hound man took the neck piece and placed it over my head and around my neck it went. Neck stiff I looked for my guide, with only my eyes, who was now gone. The brown hound man cranked the handle slowly and the length of the neck piece elongated stretching my neck. My chin from my shoulders further and further. Until it became almost impossible to speak. My tongue lodged between my teeth. Forced biting down I could taste my own blood. Jaws forced closed I moaned loudly in pain. Justice motioned to the brown man to stop cranking. "Do you have something to say?" Asked Justice. I couldn't speak ... I couldn't nod my head. I tapped the Iron Necklace. Justice standing with crossed legs and hands behind his back, a stoic countenance, lifted 1 hand to motion to unwind the crank just a little so I may speak.

"You've got the wrong person... I'm a visitor to this time. I committed no crimes." 

"Did you not offend a man of fame today near the market?"... looking down at his watch he declared: "2 minutes" with 2 fingers in the air and motioned for his hound man to crank the necklace to induce pain. I felt as if this time he just continued to crank. I could feel my head separating from off my body. The pain was unbearable I lost consciousness. 

I woke in a line. In clothes that weren't mine. Being yelled at to rise and enter the coop. Slave quarters. When I entered my consciousness separated from my body. I was now watching as they took her into her small room covered in feathers and hay with barbed chicken wire as the only walls and doors. She who was once I found a full plate of delicious food placed on a ledge for consumption: Mashed potatoes, yams and a savory meat. She who was once I ate her fill as she spoke openly of the strength instilled in her by her mother. A green bottle of sweet wine she who was once I began to drink. The consciousness knew that wine was not to be drank to enjoy with dinner but to soothe the pain after whippings. She who was once I was clueless. The wine made she who was once I jovial enough to sing. The pain it would soon bring. In the hallway of the large coop a fat black mistress watched on hating every note. She removed her whip from her holder and cracked it. Vowing to break my spirit. She asked if she who was once I thought of myself as "Special?...I'll fix that." she declared! She marched off to prepare my whipping post. She who was once me was careless...careless and drunk. But 2 small men raised in the coop, that stunted their growth, emerged from around the corner of the coop hall speaking of the mistress one said: "The whipping isn't over until she's done." The other said: "And shes not done until she sleeps."

Two of You

There were 2 of you

and only 1 of me.

Cousin Taylor and I sat at a pictureshow very back row. You were with ya crew. Ya crew covered for you. The you that still loves me. They went on lookout for your current lover and called the second you, whose face always frowned at even the thought of me, to come down to the pictureshow so you and I could be alone and talk. We never got the chance to.   Your new lover showed up on a hunt for what's now hers. And even though there were 2 of you. Both of you feared losing the new lover. The new lover never knew there were 2 of you. The you that loved me whispered: "Meet me at your house."  As you left, the you that hated me arrived and I was forced to deal with the evil countenance of it. I couldnt take it. I went home. Not before Cousin Taylor held a mirror to my face and made me aware I looked desperate and foolish. I didn't to her listen and left. It was worse than I imagined. The you that loved me, made way to my house long before me but didn't arrive to me until long after I had and was still too afraid to stay. Everyone who saw you on your way to me would tell your new lover or so the you that loved me thought.  I knew she now meant more to you than I did. Could it be I stayed away too long?  Still I couldn't understand... She didnt match my beauty at all, my love will always be unsurpassed, no ones hurt me more than you and still I loved, nothing compared to our history; the good and the bad of it... and she was even more possesive and out of control than I had ever been.  Couldn't you see her as clear as I could? You said you'd be coming back. You never did. I didn't cry. Funny thing about time it's too busy ticking to stop.

Finance or Fetters

Unlimited Money or Freedom

You pick!

One is an illusion.

One is Elusive.

Which one is guaranteed?

Which one is backed?

Which one is Tangible?

Where's the confusion???

To have all the money you need makes you free? 

Is this true?

Or do the wealthy feel confined as you? 

To be free as a post civil war slave; I'd suppose...what a change but still aren't some trapped in a figurative cage?

What of those who wish to be freed from real steel bars and locks? Would they exchange their pains? Would they loosen their chains if they knew they'd struggle for nickels dimes pennies quarters change? 

What of the "free" would they risk "freedom" to attain "wealth"

Many actually have...is money bad for your health?

Is freedom real or Ideal?

Have any of us experienced the real deal?

Is wealth real or longterm?

Is money actually just printed paper ...a virus and germ?

If you had to pick one in exchange for the other which would you choose???

Which is elusive?

Which is an ideal?

Which means more to you?

Which is an illusion?

Which has no backing?

What's your conclusion?

Peace & Blessings 

Vannique

The Wrapup 2018

Pardon my French but...." Quelle putain d'année?!"

 

Like a speeding bullet, it flew by didn't it? And true to the nature of a speeding bullet, to be honest, all I can remember is the painful moments. In my subconscious they far outweighed the prideful moments. However, I remain grateful because the cleansing that resulted from this is phenomenal. Not only the cleansing but the internal reckoning of power, purpose and passion, within myself is incomparable and priceless. I would go through all those trials again in a millisecond to be in the constant state of self awareness that I am blessed to carry into 2019.

The Uncovering

For some reason, in this year it was revealed to me the innate nature of all those I adored. I was surprised to find most of the people I placed a high value upon were well below undeserving.  It felt as if I was at a soiree, draped in my finest attire, smelling of frankincense, myrrh, and lavender. My face painted by the illustrious Sir Prater of Mac Cosmetics. My glass full to the brim with the sweetest of Sangria, my heart full of good intentions, my head inflated with positivity and pure intentions carrying me high above the headwinds and into the thickest of clouds. Then "Down goes Frazier!" I came crashing when it was realized everyone else in attendance with me was in a costume.  There were wolves dressed as sheep, clowns dressed as confidants, assassins clothed in a lovers garb , foes draped with the cloak of family. So never mind what I was wearing! I may as well had been buck naked. The taste of my Sangria soured and my deflated head sent me spiraling back to the earth just as I was halfway to heaven. I came to the realization that baring your soul genuinely is the opposite of freedom in the wrong hands. I was awakened to the fact that I had held in esteem the very hands of those who: reviled in my captivity, who coveted my security and sought to sully my sincerity and tarnish it with either their jaded view of life or jaded view of me.  But not all who launched assault were jaded some knew my nature to be true, and saw me as a target to aim their missles and went on offense. Perhaps a light in me shined too bright for their eyes. Who really knows? I've resigned to not try and figure these ones out. Enough energy has been wasted on them well outside"why and what for." Action was required.

The Separating Shield

Costumes forsaken, I had been attacked by the wolves and the assassins and berated by the clowns when I readjusted my crown and cleared the court. The late Maya Angelou wrote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." The clearing of negative interference left me a bit empty at first. After all these were not strays or people I just adopted and let in. These were family, dear friends and lovers. People that I felt loved me simply because of how much I loved them. Let me be the first and hopefully the last to tell you: That's not how any of this works! Although I believe it should, it just doesn't. It is not a given that because they are family they will do you right. It is not a given that because you are sincere that they will be. It's not a given that because you will give to them your last dime that they would ever give you a red cent. It is not a fact that because you bend backward they will be impressed enough to move a muscle. It is not a given that because they know better they will do better! Do not ever make those assumptions that would be a fatal mistake. I've never been a pessimistic person and these experiences haven't made me one. If I turned my tuner to a pessimistic channel that would mean they all succeeded in stealing my joy. They did not! What they did do though, is held up a large mirror facing me. In this mirror I was able to see clearly that I hadn't been guarding myself with a complete suit of armor. I was leaving my heart completely exposed. They showed me I had forgot to carry my shield.

 The Ship of Thanks

The intent of these attacks were to chisel away at my buoyant spirit; with the hopeful intent to sink my ship. Instead it carved in me a discerning heart free from naivete. It sculpted a healthy consciousness of self completely free from undue or unworthy self sacrificing. It fashioned a form of energy that will not abide the slighting and cannot tolerate insincerity.

 In short those chisels have created a ship that is sailing into 2019. Yes, Kings and Queens this vessel is sailing into the New Year with no heavy (in every sense of the word) cargo.  And for that I'm grateful! My advice: Look at your vessel is there any cargo weighting you down? I know you may have loaded the cargo for the longhaul but it could be doing more damage on your voyage then it will ever do good once you reach your new fertile ground. Throw it overboard and let it sink to the floor of the sea! True to myself, I was able to find the silver lining and learn from pain. Now I can truly say looking forward with a new pair of glasses... my future looks very bright. 

Sail On
Peace and Blessings
Vannique

Thrive

The Point Podcast
365°
THE POINT PODCAST 365°" on Anchor: https://anchor.fm/vannique-s?at=2129822

December 31 2017-Jan12018
A new years experience to remember.
I went to an NYE PARTY at a  Cambodian home. The joy, the fellowship, the smiles, the positive energy was incomparable and infectious. The crowd greeted my brother and I with cheers when we entered the room, followed by a swarm of drinks...Top shelf stuff Jameson, Remy Martin, Champgne but first..."medicine" at least that's what they called it... a root and herb mixture.. zesty tangy and looked much like a tea. They danced all night.. live music with singing included karaoke style and passing the michrophone. I sat and watch a man and a woman disagree push and shove and no one flinched... me I sat down and out the way thinking "Ohh no drunk NYE COUPLE FIGHT" then as quick as it began it dispelled. A passionate people indeed. They kept me dancing all night! Every time I took a seat somone else said...come on.... the men and the women! Everyone danced and sang into the 1st day of 2018 Celebrating life, celebrating reaching the marking of a new year others were not as fortunate to meet.
Then the dancing and singing stopped around 3... some had fallen asleep...others slept through the party and were now awake... they got out blankets and pillows and huddled together on the floors couches.. and talked for hours to each other... very welcoming and friendly people they
freely spoke to me as well. Engineers, day traders and small but thriving business owners. Each of them smiled while we engaged in conversation... not just because we were all drunk.. but it was clear they were actually happy. They knew a secret.. infact I walked in and the joy took over me... I was smiling... I hadn't even drank yet...A woman came to me and said... Why are you smiling... I answered because I'm happy and she invited me to dance... But even by the end of the night the sense of family, contentment, and joy prevailed. Net the final moment of my Cambodian Experience I spoke with someone who explained to me.. they were all family.. though marriage of through blood. They had come here years ago... Refugees from a cruel leader who had killed off the countries influential families including some of their parents and grandparents. The detachment from the traditional ways of their culture slowly increase however what they've created is a grand substitute for the real thing. They've made a choice to continue living and create a family, a community, and a legacy outside of the ones cast on them by life.

So what's the point?
The Point is... they had several excuses to fall apart as a group but they have thrived DESPITE the pain. SO THRIVE  DESPITE THE PAIN.

Listen to my segment "THE POINT PODCAST 365°" on Anchor: https://anchor.fm/vannique-s?at=2129822

Friends or Nah

I watched this video today you may have seen, it recently went viral. I laughed 😂 so hard. In the video a teen is harrasing an older man whose homeless.  The teens "friends" egg on the teenager while filming to keep up the harrassment.

Lets just say this kid got what was coming to him... I didn't laugh because a teen was being disrespectful to a 1.Elder 2. Someone less fortunate.
I didnt laugh cause he was he got what was coming to him... Well i did laugh at that part too but that wasn't what got me... The most comedic part to me was the comments and reactions of this teens so called "friends". 

Sadly this teen was spineless and  a follower...not really the "friends" who were videoing/instigating.

I laughed hard till it wasn't funny. But I wondered why / or how he could trust people who CLEARLY steer him in the wrong direction for their own entertainment.

Some of my friends are probably thinking "hold the phone we know you've done some F$%KED UP Stuff to your friends for a laugh."  True but never with malicious intent or anything dangerous or radical. Or some of you may say " I know you've hurt someone..." My answer to that is your right.  I don't claim to be perfect. Like any human I've done things I'm not proud of but... in my heart if your my friend... Ill travel the 7 seas for our friendship & I'll never put you in harms way.

I actually found myself feeling sorry for this kid cause he's blind to the fact that the people he considers "friends" couldn't care less about his welfare.

What about you? Do the people you rock with... Rock with you??? Can you trust them??? Do you trust them??? (Take time to note those are two very different questions.) Do they have your best interest at heart? Do they steer you in a direction positive for your life, health, wellbeing and future. If you esteem the friendship. Do they hold it in the same regard? If not why continue to subject yourself to such treachery? Ohhh you don't want to be alone??????
Take that and forget it.

Follow a path all your own and it will lead you to like- minds, like-hearts and hopefully less drama.

THINK... about your circle who you allow in it, who you tell your innermost thoughts, who you break bread with, who breaks bread with you? All answers are really visible.. If you look / watch/study/wait/ you'll see.

Don't forget to trust your senses too sometimes, outwardly "friends" play "all the right cards" but inwardly you know they are somehow "cheating." It happens!

All that to say the company you keep makes or breaks you... So be cautious who enters... Be cautious who exits.. And don't be afraid to make changes to it. Sadly all friendships don't last forever.. Some do but all don't. This life we've been given is not to surround yourself by people who: could do without you, could use you, could lie on you, could lie to you, set you up, tear you down or think anything less than the world of you.  If you stayed around them you in essesnce do to yourself what they do. So free yourself because peace is priceless.

Back to the video if it wasn't enough that they set him up... And left him All THE WAY  hanging.... They posted it online.... JEEZUZ... CHECK IT OUT 👇 & share this article if u dig it!
http://m.worldstarhiphop.com/android/video.php?v=wshh9955oKR190087v32

Deception. Who's at fault?

Deception: The act of causing to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid

Written by Vannique
Illustration by Alexander Keeton


In this world it's all to common to see deception in many facets. Deception in business practices, in relationships; romantic, platonic or otherwise.

So who can cause you to accept something as true although it's false? My answer is: only you, only me, only ourselves.

See in order to be deceived, we must first be aware of the truth. Otherwise, it's not deception. If we never knew the truth to begin with we cant exchange it for what's false. So deception begins only when we know our potential mates aren't the one, when we've seen with our own eyes that this person we consider a friend has 2 faces,  when we were warned about doing business with a company... and have made the conscious or subconscious choice to overlook or pardon any red flags because of our own desires.

Desire: Sometimes Deadly

Our desires are sometimes treacherous being controlled by the heart and all. When our heart really desires something (even when borne out of pure necessity and not foolish wants) whether it's love, true friendship, money.... whatever it may be.. our heart releases a scent of desperation that some are waiting to take advantage of because it quenches their inner desire.

Eve was Deceived

Let us think about Adam and Eve. Eve was deceived. Although she knew for a certainty that she was not to eat from the tree of knowledge, she did anyway. How do we know that she knew better? When questioned about Gods commands regarding it, she replied in harmony with them. She quoted the location of the tree, the name and the trees purpose, that she should not even touch it, and the result if she had. Fully aware of the situation she still allowed herself to be deceived. WHY? Satan told her she would be like God. He even said she would not die. At some point in time Satan noticed the desire in her to be God-like. Its also possible that Satan was counting on Eve having similar desires as him.  Eve allowed herself to trade in what she knew to be truth for a lie.

How unfortunate. We probably think to ourselves... "Not me I know the sky is blue no one could ever convince me its not." And you would be right! Only you could convince yourself to believe the lie.

Correct Me if I'm Wrong but the Color of that Flag is Red.

What should have been a red flag for her? Maybe the fact that a snake was speaking to her. I don't know about you but the moment my dog (who I love dearly) utters one intelligible word to me, I can assure you it won't be a Disney Movie moment.

What about the fact that Satans' information vastly differed from her original information. After all we are talking life and death here. If I receive differing information on a recipe I keep searching until I've reached a sound conclusion. Some recipes aren't forgiving.

So the combination of her hearts desire and ignoring of the red flags were a recipe for disaster.

Relationship Types

Business

Have you already had doubt's about it? Why? Have you noticed any red flags? Maybe the breaking of appointments, the changing of prices, the avoiding of answers, the poor customer service. What keeps you doing business? At this point you've seen all you need to see to know all you need to know. The choice is yours.

A Faux-friendship.

You share your personal details with them. They may even share some with you. You begin to trust this faux-friend only to later be fully aware that they are a foe. How did you miss it? Were they're red flags? Did you ever hear from them things that didn't sit well with you? Most likely so, but you know your definition of friend and what you've seen, despite the feigning of true friendship, is vastly different. The choice is yours.

Romantic Relationship?

We are all guilty of wanting to see the best in someone. Good people look for the good in others and while doing so overlook major flaws and red flags. Flaws and flags that they would readily notice were desire not playing a larger part then logic. Romantic matters of the heart are especially dangerous. Even when all is well, we get caught up in the rapture of it all, swept off our feet, float on air, on cloud nine... All these expressions denote losing touch with reality. If you lose touch with reality in an unhealthy relationship... how dangerous? So many pit-falls!

I feel it safe to say that losing touch with reality and deception, in any situation, are one in the same. Overlooking the known truths and red flags equals: Deception.

Doctors Orders: The Remedy

There is a quote from one of my favorite authors, Dr. Maya Angelou that cures the possibility of deception: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

With that said it bears stating that no one human is perfect and at some point every person will fail to meet your self defined standards or expectations; even when they do love you or mean you no harm. Some may be unaware that they've sent up a red flag. Others purposely send red flags, speak cunningly, and play the game to see how far you will allow them to go.

The job of evaluating a situation in its entirety, comparing it to our set standards and known truths, acknowledging red flags and subtracting our hearts desire, belongs to each individual themselves. If your expecting a deceitful person to come correct your deceiving yourself.

Don't fall for the Bullfrog!

Written by: Vannique

Illustration by: Alexander Keeton

I was recently told that : A bullfrog could be boiled alive and never attempt to jump out so long as the water began at room temperature.

Don't try this at home people! But let's give this a once over.

The frogs natural habitat has water. He's used to getting wet. For him, nothing unusual here. As the water rises slowly to 90° he acclimates. Then another 20° he acclimates. This acclimation continues all the way until the boiling point of 212° F. Now I'm no frog, (Resist the urge!) but I would think at some point it was too hot! But not for Jeremiah the Bullfrog.( I couldn't resist the urge!) Why did he stay? Jeremiah got desensitized to the escalation of his situation. And probably at one point thought to himself..."Mmm...cozy".

"Mmm Cozy" -Famous  Last Words

Now, I don't know if this is true or really just an old wives tale. However, here's one thing I do know : We humans can be just as dim to the severity and possible horrific outcomes when in a worsening situation. Somewhere in the scheme we accept what should be rejected.

The environment or whatever the situation we may be in, may be our norm. Going where we always go., doing what we've always done. Much like the frog in the water.

But is something amiss? Have you suddenly found yourself in your habits or situations accompanied by growing problems? Maybe you'd laid off of a healthy habit that you once had. Let's use the example of exercise. You skip a few days and say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". But we all know what happens: 3 days later you gain 50 lbs.

Let's up the stakes a few notches: You're in a longterm relationship, sent from Satan himself and rapidly declining. Somewhere in there you say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". You say: "I don't want to be single, I don't want to be solely responsible financially, where will I live? What about the car?" While you're thinking instead of moving, you may be approaching that "boiling point" of no return.

One more notch: A bad habit....pick one, any one, there's plenty to choose from: smoking, overdrinking, illicit drug use, losing your temper ect. These may have been apart of your habitat. They may be your norm. Chances are though you're seen different...even if it was just on TV. If left unrealized and unchecked how much "hot water" can any one of these  get you into.

Change is not "Mmmm Comfy"

Neither is any action you take to get to a higher ground. Jumping out the pot of boiling water, could land you on a hot stove (a difficult situation) yes, it's true. But it can also save your life. Self analysis (asking yourself the hard questions, or others and accepting the cold truth), coupled with making the choice, sticking to that choice and following through will bring positive change. 

The same person who shared this with me pointed out something  else its not enough to just take this thing away from yourself you also have to give yourself something positive in place of the bad habit or situation (even if not just to occupy your time and energy) is the start to change. *** This is not saying go find a person to waste time with that you have no real emotional attachment or possible future with!***

The Lesson In It All

Being complacent in an increasingly worsening situation can cost you your life. Not always in death, but maybe in quality. Seek growth...seek positive change. Don't fall for the bullfrog.

What's Your Problem; Idiom?!

By Vannique

"To every action there's a reaction."  "For every cause there is an effect." So let's say your kids are running through the house; this is the action or cause. While disobeying your rule :"No playing in the house cause you could break something you or me can't afford, fix or replace!" (This includes their necks. ) The kiddos ignore you; and the effect: Knock over your brand new, big screen, hi-def, wi-fi, smart TV with 3D capacity. (I think those exist?) Of course, you opted out of the insurance/replacement plan because of the manufacturers warranty, and when you purchased the TV 10 days ago they said you could add it in 30 days if you changed your mind. 

At the register you thought to yourself "I should probably buy this for an additional $300" then you remember "schools starting and I've got other things to buy we actually need.... Nothing is gonna happen to it" As you recall this fiduciary and mental transaction, during the slow motion run toward the television that has hit the floor in pieces faster than you ever thought possible, You remember something else you learned long ago that you wished you would've recalled at the register: Murphy's Law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

So what now?  What's your reaction?  Some of you are just in tears unable to function (Its almost football season! Now how are you gonna see the NY Giants get the 5th ring for 2015? GO BIG BLUE!!)  Some of you are thinking of how best to punish the children. Yet and still others of you are searching for a solution to the current situation.  You're in correct the crisis mode. Analyzing, prioritizing, rationalizing, reasoning. This group realizes the meaning of the idiom: No use of crying over spilled milk. 

Its not that the issue is small. . The point of the idiom, from Vanniques view, is to be solution oriented.  Clean up the milk before it soaks into your carpet and smells of mold and spoiled milk. (More Problems!) Before the milk sets too long on your hardwood floors and ruins the finish! (More Problems!) Before a visitor slips in the milk and sues your pants off.(More Problems!) See my point here? By not being solution oriented then the one problem just expands to more problems. Not fun, trust me.

I firmly believe to every problem there is a solution. Though the solution may not be ideal. Though it may be progressive rather than immediate, therefore requiring patience which for some is difficult to develop; still there is a solution. What if you've run into   something seeming to be a problem that appears to have not a solution. There could be a few reasons why.

1.) You've declined the solution:

You have an answer but it's not ideal. It does nothing for your fancy. It eats at your pride  (which can sometimes be treacherous.) Although it resolves the issue it's not to your liking. So you reject it.

2.)That you've not exhausted all your options or possibilities:

Sometimes we get a one track mind to our problem and only see one way out.  This way of thinking can be an impediment to a solution.  Thinking fast, or fast-tracking to your solution is fine, and sometimes necessary. But at times there is not an obvious solution or a fast track and you've got to think outside of the box. "There is more than one way to skin a cat"....or so I've been told.

Last but not least; a reason to be reckoned with.

3.) It's not a problem at all; it's  an Absolute:

Meaning there  is no "solution". Its the way it is, nothing can change it. I'm not quick to put things in the absolute category because it can create a defeatist attitude, becoming a catch-all to every problem that arises.  Its important to be able to recognize the difference. With that said though this must be said: Absolutes do exist. If there wasn't there would be no "Serenity Prayer." Even with absolutes there are still options: Accept it is one option. Or reject it completely.  This meaning dismiss it, never to be revisited again. I'm not quick to do the latter either. If you're quickly dismissive you may overlook something. 

I feel all problems and absolutes bare scrutiny and analysis, to decide which they are and which road to take.  Scrutiny and analysis mean nothing though, if it's not in a solution oriented manner. So when facing a problem remember these idioms:

"Every cause has and effect."

"For every action there is a reaction." 

"Don't cry over spilled milk."

"For every problem there is a solution."

"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

And

"Some things are absolute."

The Glass is Half Full

Not too long ago, I was thinking the opposite way. I could recount reason after reason to be dissatisfied with life. When you dwell on it enough they can add up and seem insurmountable. That moment in time was a real low point. I had turned into a "Negative Nancy". Every time I looked at the glass I saw it half empty.

Its the worst way to view life. No, I didn't have all my wants. Then I realized that wants are a constant. There will always be another want. It's not greed, it's just facts. Say if you wanted a vacation, so you take one. Could you honestly say that once you return home you'll never want another vacation? Usually if the vacation was good you want go right back! There will always be wants. They will evolve as we do. They will change as we do. You don't want the same things you wanted 10 years ago do you? In short, I realized the meeting of wants are fleeting and are never completely able to be met, as they change and the list has constant additions as we subtract the wants we satisfied.

With help of loved ones, I came to appreciate that I had my needs. And that's what counts. Most needs are universal: food, shelter, and a way to facilitate your needs i.e a job. Admittedly, needs do depend on the person. Personally, I had all I needed to be content. I also realized I was blessed to have more than the bare minimum. I had shelter, a newly built villa, never before leased. I own a car that, at the end of the day, affords me independence. Sure, it's almost 15 years old with over 100,000 miles on it but it's paid for. (Ok well maybe I do need a new car.) All awkwardly truthful jokes aside though, it gets the job done. Lastly, I do have my health. At this very moment I'm with a dear friend visiting her daughter in the hospital. As I watch this family interact in love I remember something that I never want to forget: it could be worse, it can always be worse and for someone, somewhere it is. Undoubtedly someone is hungry, homeless, lacking transportation, lacking gainful employment, lacking family, lacking love, lacking the ability to see a way to fulfill their needs, lacking the will to even live.

Think positive, be grateful and remember it can always be worse.

My glass may be filled with water and not wine. It may be only filled to the halfway line. It may be in a cup of plastic and not glass. "Vannique why is it you smile?" you may ask. Well halfway empty my glass is not...its hallway full, close to being filled to the top. Don't waste time focused on what you have not. Focus on appreciating what you've got.

Shape the Clay

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome" - Hope Floats

I heard this I thought to myself: Is it true? Then I wondered: If so how is it true? Why is it true? Why do these things stick with us?

How is it true?

As children we begin as lumps of clay. Pliable, malleable and impressionable. Childhood interactions, pains, happinesses, successes, failings, friends, our caretakers, our teachers  affect who we will become. Everyone that has a hand in our lives leaves an indelible imprint and shapes us into the adults we are to become. Each interaction molds our thoughts and emotions.

Why is it true?

As children we are powerless to our life and its happenings.  From the moment we are born until we reach the age of independence we are in a state of complete reliance on others for the bare necessities and essentials: food, shelter, clothing as well as mental, emotional and physical security.

Why do they stick with us?

We make the choice to hold onto the defects. Whether consciously or unwittingly, its a decision.

I've heard it said before that someone is "a product of their environment". Can a violent environment only produce a violent product? Can an impoverished environment only produce a poor product? Will an angry or aggressive environment only produce the like? Will a positive environment only produce a positive product? I disagree.

Admittedly, your chances of being shaped by your environment are higher than being shaped after something you've never witnessed or experienced firsthand but does it mean that it's impossible? I feel it's possible. Granted, if you didn't have certain things, it may take more time and effort to understand, to acquire or understand how to acquire what you lacked. But, after independence in its tangible physical form from whatever situation you endured as a child, the next thing you need is mental independence. The ability to think, and more importantly feel beyond your past. To recognize you're free from the mental or emotional bondage you may have endured. The clarity to realize the choice is yours to repeat the treatment, cling to the pain or let go.

You certainly can overcome, any shaping you may have received. Nothing about the shaping makes it permanent. Our decision to embrace the shaping or reject the shaping is the "hard firing". It may be that we have to decide to accept or reject that shaping on a daily basis.

It may be that we realized the defect long after its initiation, it may be we were oblivious to the defect until someone pointed it out. Whatever the case, once we know it's there we can't ignore it. Hard fire new traits, new habits, new outlooks make the choice every day to reshape the clay.

Forgiveness

For who?

When your feelings are deeply hurt, how long does it take you to forgive? Or do you forgive at all? I will not pretend it’s an easy thing to do. What I will say is: its necessary.  Forgiving doesn’t make you stupid as some might feel. Think of it this way, daily God forgives us if we are truly repentant. There’s nothing stupid about The Almighty is there? Could you imagine if God held grudges? We would all be in trouble! It’s my belief that if he forgives the repentant on a daily basis, who are we not to forgive one another?

                I didn’t always feel this way. At one time it was hard to forgive, especially if I thought you “knew better.” I would think: “This person doesn’t deserve my forgiveness!” It was my grandmother who cleared it all up for me, she said “Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for you.” How right she was! I equated being forgiving with being weak.  I equated forgiving with allowing someone to harm me without doing the harm of hating them in return. Thinking about it though if someone could have hurt me that badly in the first place, are they truly the type to care how I feel about them in the next? Truly it’s hard to tell. Not every offense is intentional. Ever heard the phrase “If you knew better, you would do better”? Sadly, they may not know any better.  However, for those that were fully aware, who knew better, it’s not likely they cared to begin with. So by not forgiving them, that emotion you so badly want to plague them with, only plagues you.

                Another thing to consider is, just because you’ve forgiven someone, doesn’t mean, you are required or expected to repair or continue the relationship. It truly depends on how broken it is and if you are willing to risk your heart and energy trusting them once again. To you it may not be worth it. But the freedom that comes from not holding a grudge and not denying yourself the peace of forgiveness is priceless. It’s not for them, it’s for you. Forgive

Depression The Silent Slayer

Depression

The Silent Slayer

Ever had a gloomy day? Has that gloomy day lasted for a week? Do you feel like nothing will improve? Are you embarrassed to admit those things aloud? Join the club. In 2012 it was reported about 350 million, 5% of the earth’s population, suffer from depression. If you’re just now thinking to yourself “That’s not much compared to the 7 billion people living on earth.” You could say that but picture each person with the value of $1 in your bank account? Still sneezing at it? The value of 1 life is worth so much more.

Depression is a disease, like diabetes or cancer, it can infect healthy ways of living and erode even the very will to live. So how can we snap out of it? Here are a few tips that you can try or suggest to a loved one suffering from depression.

1.       Talk to someone

More people love you than you probably know, and are completely willing to do what they can to assist you. However, if you feel that’s not the truth then talk to a professional. They can help you figure out just where the depression stems from and offer you a fresh perspective. Is money an issue? There are some state funded agencies that have grants for those who can’t afford the type of treatment you may require. Check your local agencies to see what’s available.

2.       Take something to feel better

If medication prescribed by a doctor is not an option or not your thing (some side-effects being as undesirable as what it may be treating) then look for herbal remedies. Go to your local herbal store, a brick and mortar store like GNC or Whole Foods but if you just can’t get out of the door or out the bed take whatever medium you are using now to read this article and search online for reputable herbal companies, i.e. Nature’s Way, Irwin Naturals. Search for herbs to improve your mood and outlook (St. Johns Wart, Sunny Mood). Do your research though, some of these herbs don’t interact well with other mental health and wellness drugs so be informed.

3.       Take care of your body

Physical activity can do leaps and bounds for your mental health. It doesn’t have to be rigorous or strenuous. Small things a walk in the park, a jog around the block, go fishing. Just get active the more you are moving and taking in your surroundings the less apt you are to fixate and obsess over what’s not perfect in your life. A part of taking care of your health includes what you take in for food, so watch what you eat. Little by little make positive changes in your daily diet.

4.       Find an outlet

Not just any outlet! Healthy and responsible ones. What’s that thing you used to love to do and could do all day long?? Yeah! Do that even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes. OH no you don’t enjoy it anymore. It happens don’t fret. Try something new, language, reading materials, challenge your brain, paint, take pictures, write a poem, write a short story or how about learn a new dance! Lord knows there’s no shortage of those on You Tube. The point is don’t just sit idle. It’s very dangerous.

5.       Don’t underestimate the power of prayer

Sometimes 1-4 just can’t cut it because you can’t take that first step to even try. If you find yourself unable to, drop everything and have a conversation with the Creator. Not a memorized and recited prayer. Pour out the depths of your soul. Tell him your troubles if you can pinpoint them, If not ask him to read your heart and mind. Request that He impart His Holy Spirit and watch almost instantly you will have a measure of strength. What if you don’t know what eactly to say? There are literally hundreds of prayers in the Bible. Read it. Until you can find the words borrow theirs. After all He is the God of Comfort.

The Body and mind are a Temple. A Temple unkempt and uncared for eventually becomes a ruin. Don’t ruin your Temple.