Over & Out

My way out is cold small dark hole. I looked down into my exit today. It was pitch black, I felt no fear. Rather, it was inviting. Quiet and peaceful. Rest. Going in to get out. Going out to get in. My way out is a dark black hole. Calm and free of bussle… my heart need not be in one piece to take this route. I was told the ferryman would take both pieces of what’s left … it needn’t tick ,pump, beat, or bleed. Cold small box is freedom indeed… fertilizer…maggot feed…good for earth good for something at least grow weeds…1  undeniable deed… 1 seed planted indeed. Or take me to flames to hell with a box…always been hot…won’t matter soon … give the dust to Musk place it on the moon…All be over soon.

O- 

Oh really you care

Over it

U-

Universal family

Untimely

 
T-

Tired

Thoughts

~Vannique S

Cry for what?!

I've had my fair share of seriously unhealthy relationships.

They say compromise is key... But what you compromise on is the real focus.

Your values shouldn't be compromised. Your value shouldn't be compromised. (No I didn't repeat myself read it again) You shouldn't expect or accept less in the name of compromise. The moment you do it's no longer compromise it's a chipping away at your dignity and self worth.

I can't count how many times I ended up being the "Tony Montana" (bad guy) all cause I wouldn't be okay with things that weren't okay with me.

Not to say that real love doesn't make you uncomfortable...real love does have it's growing pains... But those pains will not be in your heart...they won't be in the form of public humiliation... they won't be in the form of empty promises... They won't be in the form of lies.

Granted your partner will err...after all no one is perfect.

I used to say I only had 2 deal breakers... Cheat & Beat... Either one you're in the street.

But my how I've grown... After my last "bad romance" I learned that there are darker evils, much more sinister deal breakers than the two I held on to... The creeping slow type...

Ohhh the manipulation..

Here's one truth: Some spirits are broken ... Broken for good... And they just aren't satisfied until they think they've broken yours. You'll be able to spot a broken spirit cause the favorite excuse is ALL THEIR EXES are "crazy". It's the other person's fault they ain't never do nothing. (Double negative heaven)

Really all of them??? Cut it out. 

Another big red flag on the play is LOYALTY... 

This is a 2 way street. 

The first time you REALLY need them and they let you hang.... LET THEM GO. No one who loves you would let you hang. PERIOD

Or are they showing you the same love, respect and kindness in public, around their friends, as they show you in private?  Does it seem that only you know how much they love you? Lol it's cause they don't. Love is shouted from the rooftops!!! Love is shouted from ya droptop while it drip drops rain! 

I'm here to tell you... It's okay to request that someone treat you right. I won't say "the way you think you deserve"... I won't say that because that's primarily the reason you accept what you should protest... You didn't think you deserved any better.

There's the lie... If you doing right you deserve right.... Right doesn't feel like a secret.. and right always feels like progress... 

If they can't get it right it's time you left.

After all what is it that you're holding on to? An idea... An aspiration.. A dream. No what you're holding onto is 

POISONOUS TOXIC ENERGY PERSONIFIED.

Let them go Brev

Let them go Sis

You deserve better

And it's out there. Out there uncompromisingly waiting on a loyal love like you and fighting to find you.

Alot of what I referenced was regards a romance but these principles extend and apply to any relationship. 

Unhealthy energies can creep into any relationship including family and friends.

Beware of the energy you bring;

AND the energy you allow in your space.

Live 

Love

Laugh

& Travel

Love!!! Work with Me

Someone once said:
 "Love is a many splendor-ed thing." 

I've also heard love referred to 
as a five letter word for a female dog. 

The Good Book describes love 
as patient and kind 
bearing all things
 believing all things.

 I know for a certainty 
that's true. 

Why?

 Because God is love. 
The very essence of 
His Majesty is loving. 

So long as you 
are giving His Grace 
something to work with,

 a honest effort, 

 to Him 
you are worthy.

But think back to Bible times...

 when He dispensed punishment 
to different ones. 

He would give ample time 

and He always warned them first.

In my home 
growing up 
that was called: 
"Fair warning".

 You know the speech you got 
about what you better not do again
 or at all, 

accompanied 
with a realistic time table 
and 

it's counterpart 
of what 
you should be doing,
 if you had any sense, 

coupled 
with the outcome 
of punishment
 to be expected should you 
not heed said "fair warning". 

It may have sounded something like: 
"If I come home today 
and find you outside again 
there's gonna be a problem. 
Now if you know what good for you, 
you gonna have these chores completed.... 
Or 
I'm gonna tear you lose from the frame."

Sound familiar?

Anyhow... 

God gave ample time 
and 
fair warning 
to all 
before he would act. 

If they adjusted 
to the proper degree 
then
they were spared His destruction, 

maybe not 
the consequences of their actions,
 but 

He lovingly 
allowed them 
to continue to breathe. 

But 
what if they didn't adjust? 

What if they wasted time...
 didn't heed fair warning 
and 

gave Him nothing to work with? 

Well let's just say 
it was never was pretty.

We are made in His image.

 To be able to display 
and

 feel loving emotions 
for most of us 
is second nature. 

All other virtues like 

kindness, patience, mildness may need 

to be cultivated 
but 
we are certainly capable.

The Good book also 
tells us what love
 is not.. 

not jealous..
 not puffed up with pride..
 it does not brag... 

doesn't seek it's own interests... 
doesn't become provoked, 

doesn't rejoice over unrighteousness.

Is there a relationship 

you are feeding that is 

indicative of what love is not??

Unlike God

 we don't dispense perfect justice 
in the manner of 
destroying or ending a life. 

No. 

Rather, 
if we haven't been given 
anything to work with 

from someone whom we love 
and expect to love us 

after 
ample time 
and fair warning...

we do have the option
to give the love 
to ourselves instead. 

It may be necessary 
to destroy 
or 
end the relationship. 

Or simply
refresh the boundaries of it. 

Feed your soul. 

Do the healing. 

Take a step back.

 Read. 

Meditate. 

Redirect. 

Regroup. 

Reevaluate. 

Revamp. 

Reformulate. 

Redistribute. 

And relax. 

Even The Almighty Himself 

can't make someone, who ought to, 

love Him. 

Neither can you.

Let that marinate for a moment.

Rinse and Repeat.
Then

realize 

it
 may not be personal for you

 or 

possible for them. 

Whatever you do...

do not 

internalize this. 

Question?

Do you think the Lord
 gives pure Love 
then

 blames Himself 
when its not reciprocated?

I doubt that highly!

 Remember

The only thing in this life 
you can control

 is yourself. 

Work with that first 

and foremost. 

True Love WILL follow.

Peace & Blessings

Vannique

Power of Peace

When you make positive changes in your life...and turn your face completely toward God 2 things for sure will happen:

1. God will bless and protect you.

&

2. Satan will send hater to try and remind you of what you came from.

Perhaps you can view it like this: "Wow, I've come a mighty long way with God's help!"

Here's a tip: Care not what people say...only care how God feels. (1Cor 6:9-11)

If you're moving forward in the right direction... just keep it pushing. Let the haters live in your past but don't join them...and don't involve them in your future👍Make room for the peace in your life that you've been granted. 

Peace 

Blessings

&

Agape

The Iron Necklace

I'd come to this place of the past a visitor. Happy to have traveled back, honored by the experience. Not knowing the taste would leave me full. At the start a man of fame caught my eye. When passing I requested his autograph. He sensed I was from a different time.. that my dignity was in tact. He winced at my request... grimaced at my skin...wrote his name on the thin piece of paper; I smiled. Seeing my smile the man of fame tore the paper in two threw it to the ground spit on it and said: "I don't care about you." 

I opened my mouth and sharply told him that he meant nothing to me. I wanted to tell him that his hate was foolish, unfounded and ignorant but before my tongue lashed my tour guide grabbed my arm pulling me away; begging my pardon. As quickly as it happened was as quickly as I forgot it. But the past would not. "We must leave this town quickly" my guide says "get you someplace safe." 

 At the local market beside the building there were trucks all the drivers leaving soon. I boarded a truck with a man named Irie, who never spoke to me, only my guide asking: "Where are you headed?" "To the gym" my guide announced. The road offered no scenery. Just streets surrounded by blank white space as an empty page. 

I entered the gym firstly teeming with life a ball game in progress. Food offered at the door I accepted my delicious tomato and cheese sandwiches wrapped in wax paper with picnic patterns. Holding my sandwich I was asked to play the game as 1 team was short a person. I didn't have time  to officially accept as the ball was passed to me at the same time the question was posed. I caught the ball that smashed my sandwich but carefree I shot my jumper. As I came down from the air I brought down all the smiles in the room or so I thought. Smiling social faces were now silent, broken spirits with eyes full of fear. Every single body moved from the court  Every head bowed down eyes to the ground.  I sensed danger not looking around to lay eyes on it, I sought cover behind a tall curtain of a window in the gym. Through the curtain I could see two figures walking toward me. One with brown skin and poor mans clothing holding what looked like a medieval style helmet but there was nothing where the head should be. Just a neck piece of iron with a crank on the outside. The other a man white of skin in regal bright purple gold and blue cloth and the shoes of a Jester. Wearing a face that showed repugnance for all his eyes could see. His name was known as Justice.  I took a bite of my smashed sandwich and watched as Justice motioned for his hound man to pull back the curtain. As the curtain pulled back the smile of the brown hound man widened...a face like that of a shark. Teeth small and sharp... eyes that darkened and widened ... a shark who had just smelled blood. Frozen paralyzed with fear... simultaneously curious: "What do you want with me?!" The whole room gasp at my outspoken spirit. Justice didn't flinch. The brown man began to pant like a dog excited. "3 minutes." the Justice said while holding up 3 fingers. The brown hound man took the neck piece and placed it over my head and around my neck it went. Neck stiff I looked for my guide, with only my eyes, who was now gone. The brown hound man cranked the handle slowly and the length of the neck piece elongated stretching my neck. My chin from my shoulders further and further. Until it became almost impossible to speak. My tongue lodged between my teeth. Forced biting down I could taste my own blood. Jaws forced closed I moaned loudly in pain. Justice motioned to the brown man to stop cranking. "Do you have something to say?" Asked Justice. I couldn't speak ... I couldn't nod my head. I tapped the Iron Necklace. Justice standing with crossed legs and hands behind his back, a stoic countenance, lifted 1 hand to motion to unwind the crank just a little so I may speak.

"You've got the wrong person... I'm a visitor to this time. I committed no crimes." 

"Did you not offend a man of fame today near the market?"... looking down at his watch he declared: "2 minutes" with 2 fingers in the air and motioned for his hound man to crank the necklace to induce pain. I felt as if this time he just continued to crank. I could feel my head separating from off my body. The pain was unbearable I lost consciousness. 

I woke in a line. In clothes that weren't mine. Being yelled at to rise and enter the coop. Slave quarters. When I entered my consciousness separated from my body. I was now watching as they took her into her small room covered in feathers and hay with barbed chicken wire as the only walls and doors. She who was once I found a full plate of delicious food placed on a ledge for consumption: Mashed potatoes, yams and a savory meat. She who was once I ate her fill as she spoke openly of the strength instilled in her by her mother. A green bottle of sweet wine she who was once I began to drink. The consciousness knew that wine was not to be drank to enjoy with dinner but to soothe the pain after whippings. She who was once I was clueless. The wine made she who was once I jovial enough to sing. The pain it would soon bring. In the hallway of the large coop a fat black mistress watched on hating every note. She removed her whip from her holder and cracked it. Vowing to break my spirit. She asked if she who was once I thought of myself as "Special?...I'll fix that." she declared! She marched off to prepare my whipping post. She who was once me was careless...careless and drunk. But 2 small men raised in the coop, that stunted their growth, emerged from around the corner of the coop hall speaking of the mistress one said: "The whipping isn't over until she's done." The other said: "And shes not done until she sleeps."

Finance or Fetters

Unlimited Money or Freedom

You pick!

One is an illusion.

One is Elusive.

Which one is guaranteed?

Which one is backed?

Which one is Tangible?

Where's the confusion???

To have all the money you need makes you free? 

Is this true?

Or do the wealthy feel confined as you? 

To be free as a post civil war slave; I'd suppose...what a change but still aren't some trapped in a figurative cage?

What of those who wish to be freed from real steel bars and locks? Would they exchange their pains? Would they loosen their chains if they knew they'd struggle for nickels dimes pennies quarters change? 

What of the "free" would they risk "freedom" to attain "wealth"

Many actually have...is money bad for your health?

Is freedom real or Ideal?

Have any of us experienced the real deal?

Is wealth real or longterm?

Is money actually just printed paper ...a virus and germ?

If you had to pick one in exchange for the other which would you choose???

Which is elusive?

Which is an ideal?

Which means more to you?

Which is an illusion?

Which has no backing?

What's your conclusion?

Peace & Blessings 

Vannique

Dark Chocolate Dream

Bittersweet in my belly

Haunted by your face in dreams

I drew away knowing
 even there you're no good for me
Used by a passing spirit
"You're coming through often"
was all Blue said
or so I was told.

Shadows of tethered ships

Unrecognizable after heavy storms

Battered from weather

Thick handwritten letters 

from strangers on one side

The pages lost

  my heart torn open

Open and close
did the
unlocked doors

Who is this in my bed?
Then I found a new place to lay my head

Pictures in my wallet I don't recognize 

Where have I been?

Everything is new

In the mirror 

A smiled is viewed

Bittersweet in my belly

The Wrapup 2018

Pardon my French but...." Quelle putain d'année?!"

 

Like a speeding bullet, it flew by didn't it? And true to the nature of a speeding bullet, to be honest, all I can remember is the painful moments. In my subconscious they far outweighed the prideful moments. However, I remain grateful because the cleansing that resulted from this is phenomenal. Not only the cleansing but the internal reckoning of power, purpose and passion, within myself is incomparable and priceless. I would go through all those trials again in a millisecond to be in the constant state of self awareness that I am blessed to carry into 2019.

The Uncovering

For some reason, in this year it was revealed to me the innate nature of all those I adored. I was surprised to find most of the people I placed a high value upon were well below undeserving.  It felt as if I was at a soiree, draped in my finest attire, smelling of frankincense, myrrh, and lavender. My face painted by the illustrious Sir Prater of Mac Cosmetics. My glass full to the brim with the sweetest of Sangria, my heart full of good intentions, my head inflated with positivity and pure intentions carrying me high above the headwinds and into the thickest of clouds. Then "Down goes Frazier!" I came crashing when it was realized everyone else in attendance with me was in a costume.  There were wolves dressed as sheep, clowns dressed as confidants, assassins clothed in a lovers garb , foes draped with the cloak of family. So never mind what I was wearing! I may as well had been buck naked. The taste of my Sangria soured and my deflated head sent me spiraling back to the earth just as I was halfway to heaven. I came to the realization that baring your soul genuinely is the opposite of freedom in the wrong hands. I was awakened to the fact that I had held in esteem the very hands of those who: reviled in my captivity, who coveted my security and sought to sully my sincerity and tarnish it with either their jaded view of life or jaded view of me.  But not all who launched assault were jaded some knew my nature to be true, and saw me as a target to aim their missles and went on offense. Perhaps a light in me shined too bright for their eyes. Who really knows? I've resigned to not try and figure these ones out. Enough energy has been wasted on them well outside"why and what for." Action was required.

The Separating Shield

Costumes forsaken, I had been attacked by the wolves and the assassins and berated by the clowns when I readjusted my crown and cleared the court. The late Maya Angelou wrote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." The clearing of negative interference left me a bit empty at first. After all these were not strays or people I just adopted and let in. These were family, dear friends and lovers. People that I felt loved me simply because of how much I loved them. Let me be the first and hopefully the last to tell you: That's not how any of this works! Although I believe it should, it just doesn't. It is not a given that because they are family they will do you right. It is not a given that because you are sincere that they will be. It's not a given that because you will give to them your last dime that they would ever give you a red cent. It is not a fact that because you bend backward they will be impressed enough to move a muscle. It is not a given that because they know better they will do better! Do not ever make those assumptions that would be a fatal mistake. I've never been a pessimistic person and these experiences haven't made me one. If I turned my tuner to a pessimistic channel that would mean they all succeeded in stealing my joy. They did not! What they did do though, is held up a large mirror facing me. In this mirror I was able to see clearly that I hadn't been guarding myself with a complete suit of armor. I was leaving my heart completely exposed. They showed me I had forgot to carry my shield.

 The Ship of Thanks

The intent of these attacks were to chisel away at my buoyant spirit; with the hopeful intent to sink my ship. Instead it carved in me a discerning heart free from naivete. It sculpted a healthy consciousness of self completely free from undue or unworthy self sacrificing. It fashioned a form of energy that will not abide the slighting and cannot tolerate insincerity.

 In short those chisels have created a ship that is sailing into 2019. Yes, Kings and Queens this vessel is sailing into the New Year with no heavy (in every sense of the word) cargo.  And for that I'm grateful! My advice: Look at your vessel is there any cargo weighting you down? I know you may have loaded the cargo for the longhaul but it could be doing more damage on your voyage then it will ever do good once you reach your new fertile ground. Throw it overboard and let it sink to the floor of the sea! True to myself, I was able to find the silver lining and learn from pain. Now I can truly say looking forward with a new pair of glasses... my future looks very bright. 

Sail On
Peace and Blessings
Vannique

Today

I miss you today

& I wish I didn’t.

Nothing to miss,

because

we’ve been finished.

&

you have replenished,

your energy.

Free of me

to love again.

Quickly

you moved along.

How did you forget me?

I envy your savvy

or are you just faking?

Is it real amazing?

That new love

from that stranger?

It’s stranger,

to see you

with someone new

who I know

Don’t know you

quite like I do.

Just admit that

what we had is untouchable.

Nope

you’d rather

work your

muscles and flex

your new

prototype.

She’s cool

But she’s

not me

just

a

cheap carbon copy

A mockery

a giant love to a jockey.

Yes, I am still cocky.

You loved it

when I’d kiss

and sing to your body.

I miss that most.

Can’t find that in everybody.

If I had

just one last

time with you though

love I’m sure

I’d light all my candles

And let all my love adorn you.

Just hold you in my eyes,

Kiss all over your face.

Then place your hand

on my heart

so you can feel

It beats for you still…

My Darling…

Nikki

Solitude is My Fortitude

Solitude is my Fortitude-Vannique written @ Deep Sea

What's Your Problem; Idiom?!

By Vannique

"To every action there's a reaction."  "For every cause there is an effect." So let's say your kids are running through the house; this is the action or cause. While disobeying your rule :"No playing in the house cause you could break something you or me can't afford, fix or replace!" (This includes their necks. ) The kiddos ignore you; and the effect: Knock over your brand new, big screen, hi-def, wi-fi, smart TV with 3D capacity. (I think those exist?) Of course, you opted out of the insurance/replacement plan because of the manufacturers warranty, and when you purchased the TV 10 days ago they said you could add it in 30 days if you changed your mind. 

At the register you thought to yourself "I should probably buy this for an additional $300" then you remember "schools starting and I've got other things to buy we actually need.... Nothing is gonna happen to it" As you recall this fiduciary and mental transaction, during the slow motion run toward the television that has hit the floor in pieces faster than you ever thought possible, You remember something else you learned long ago that you wished you would've recalled at the register: Murphy's Law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

So what now?  What's your reaction?  Some of you are just in tears unable to function (Its almost football season! Now how are you gonna see the NY Giants get the 5th ring for 2015? GO BIG BLUE!!)  Some of you are thinking of how best to punish the children. Yet and still others of you are searching for a solution to the current situation.  You're in correct the crisis mode. Analyzing, prioritizing, rationalizing, reasoning. This group realizes the meaning of the idiom: No use of crying over spilled milk. 

Its not that the issue is small. . The point of the idiom, from Vanniques view, is to be solution oriented.  Clean up the milk before it soaks into your carpet and smells of mold and spoiled milk. (More Problems!) Before the milk sets too long on your hardwood floors and ruins the finish! (More Problems!) Before a visitor slips in the milk and sues your pants off.(More Problems!) See my point here? By not being solution oriented then the one problem just expands to more problems. Not fun, trust me.

I firmly believe to every problem there is a solution. Though the solution may not be ideal. Though it may be progressive rather than immediate, therefore requiring patience which for some is difficult to develop; still there is a solution. What if you've run into   something seeming to be a problem that appears to have not a solution. There could be a few reasons why.

1.) You've declined the solution:

You have an answer but it's not ideal. It does nothing for your fancy. It eats at your pride  (which can sometimes be treacherous.) Although it resolves the issue it's not to your liking. So you reject it.

2.)That you've not exhausted all your options or possibilities:

Sometimes we get a one track mind to our problem and only see one way out.  This way of thinking can be an impediment to a solution.  Thinking fast, or fast-tracking to your solution is fine, and sometimes necessary. But at times there is not an obvious solution or a fast track and you've got to think outside of the box. "There is more than one way to skin a cat"....or so I've been told.

Last but not least; a reason to be reckoned with.

3.) It's not a problem at all; it's  an Absolute:

Meaning there  is no "solution". Its the way it is, nothing can change it. I'm not quick to put things in the absolute category because it can create a defeatist attitude, becoming a catch-all to every problem that arises.  Its important to be able to recognize the difference. With that said though this must be said: Absolutes do exist. If there wasn't there would be no "Serenity Prayer." Even with absolutes there are still options: Accept it is one option. Or reject it completely.  This meaning dismiss it, never to be revisited again. I'm not quick to do the latter either. If you're quickly dismissive you may overlook something. 

I feel all problems and absolutes bare scrutiny and analysis, to decide which they are and which road to take.  Scrutiny and analysis mean nothing though, if it's not in a solution oriented manner. So when facing a problem remember these idioms:

"Every cause has and effect."

"For every action there is a reaction." 

"Don't cry over spilled milk."

"For every problem there is a solution."

"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

And

"Some things are absolute."

When's the last time you had a really good time?

November 2014

My best friend, at the time, and I took a trip to my home town, Newark, New Jersey. My father was turning 50 and having a dinner party! It was a blast. Surrounded by family and loved ones, I got to show B. Scott (bestie) a ball in the big city. It wasn't conventional so to speak.  He had never seen the east coast so, of course, he wanted and truthfully I baited him with, Time Square, Greenwich Village, NY City night clubs and Atlantic city. But once we arrived, it was almost impossible. I was only there for 2 nights & 3 days I had to go visit family. That  would take most of the time. Truth be told I needed "tour guides" for the rest of the things I wanted to show my buddy and I thought to myself "How can we fit this all in?"

Well we didn't. The first night B.Scott got to see a little bit of Jersey the local life, but entertaining none the less. While waiting on a food order to feed over 50 people for the night, I saw something I hadn't had in years, and bestie had never had in his life, an Italian Cheeseburger (Google it.) I ordered one for us to split (I still had to fit in my dress the next night!) When the order came up I tossed to B.Scott a greasy brown bag and said "try this, but save me half" he says "you just gonna hand me a greasy brown bag and tell me to eat it?" My response was with confidence "You'll love it."
 Just outside there were city people living city life, the local club had people outside being loud and confrontational, the culture there is very different from where we live. The look on my buddy's face: priceless.  When we got back to my father's house, my father and step-mother, Jacquie, were having a house party. Nobody knows how to party quite like my Dad. I think it's where I got the itch from. Upstairs family and friends are feeding their faces, laughing and talking. Downstairs there was the music, playing cards (spades), the drinks, and more laughter. In the garage more people, more laughter, more drinks, and trash-talking. Where I'm from trash-talking is an art. There's a line you walk and it's a thin one. On one side it's funny, the other it's offensive. It's not for the faint of heart. My Big Brother Malik, and Uncles, (Amir & Phatcat, in particular) and Cousins wasted no time hard pressure testing my dinner date. He passed! The trash-talk flew back and fourth like a Venus & Serena match and in between every volley, outburst of laughter and jeering. That party lasted all night. That's not a figure of speech that's literally to state: people were still there after breakfast who hadn't slept a wink. I'm not one of those people. I went to bed and slept great surrounded by so much love, that sounded like a fraternity party.

The next morning, day 2, I had to make my rounds before the dinner. I visited my aunts and my Grandfather, whom I hadn't seen in years. But time flies when you're having fun... and don't really know your way around. So before we knew it, it was time to get ready for the dinner.

This was no ordinary dinner. It was a $100 a plate event, invitation only, equipped with open bar, gourmet menus, a fabulous DJ, and stunning venue. Ohh let's not forget the photographer who took some amazing memories that some like to call pictures. (One I'm not very proud of). We danced until they shut us down. Once that was over I got separated from my bestie. He was hi-jacked by my brother and his friends who no doubt took him on a  fantastic journey. I didn't see them for a few hours.

Back at Dads more laughter, cards, drinks (as if they hadn't enough) music and memory making. This one was an all-nighter as well. But again not for me. I was awakened by my Father, the next morning, who asked me to take him to the store to buy breakfast for the family, to him friends are family too, so I did. Dad and I walked the store, chatting about the party and picking up a country breakfast for the city folks: bacon, sausage, grits, eggs, biscuits... the works. We arrived back to Dads to find people still awake, to find people just waking up, and dad finally laying down. My Cousin Andre (Drake), his brother Heavy, and Jacquie cooked breakfast. My bestie and my Big Brother were still in recovery from the night before. But after breakfast it was time to go home. Sad indeed, 2 whole days was too short.

On the flight back home I felt a little guilty I hadn't taken him to Times Square, Greenwich Village, Atlantic City... none of the places I baited him with, but he seemed content. I asked him "How was the Italian Cheeseburger?" his response was one word "Fire".

That was the last time I had a really good time. But the point is it didn't take spending lots of money shopping, site-seeing, gambling. Although there's nothing wrong with those things, it took family, love, laughter and that's all it ever takes. So take time to make memories with your loved ones go have a really good time people.

Hey its almost November again! I'm overdue a good time. Well Kansas City here I come!

Shape the Clay

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome" - Hope Floats

I heard this I thought to myself: Is it true? Then I wondered: If so how is it true? Why is it true? Why do these things stick with us?

How is it true?

As children we begin as lumps of clay. Pliable, malleable and impressionable. Childhood interactions, pains, happinesses, successes, failings, friends, our caretakers, our teachers  affect who we will become. Everyone that has a hand in our lives leaves an indelible imprint and shapes us into the adults we are to become. Each interaction molds our thoughts and emotions.

Why is it true?

As children we are powerless to our life and its happenings.  From the moment we are born until we reach the age of independence we are in a state of complete reliance on others for the bare necessities and essentials: food, shelter, clothing as well as mental, emotional and physical security.

Why do they stick with us?

We make the choice to hold onto the defects. Whether consciously or unwittingly, its a decision.

I've heard it said before that someone is "a product of their environment". Can a violent environment only produce a violent product? Can an impoverished environment only produce a poor product? Will an angry or aggressive environment only produce the like? Will a positive environment only produce a positive product? I disagree.

Admittedly, your chances of being shaped by your environment are higher than being shaped after something you've never witnessed or experienced firsthand but does it mean that it's impossible? I feel it's possible. Granted, if you didn't have certain things, it may take more time and effort to understand, to acquire or understand how to acquire what you lacked. But, after independence in its tangible physical form from whatever situation you endured as a child, the next thing you need is mental independence. The ability to think, and more importantly feel beyond your past. To recognize you're free from the mental or emotional bondage you may have endured. The clarity to realize the choice is yours to repeat the treatment, cling to the pain or let go.

You certainly can overcome, any shaping you may have received. Nothing about the shaping makes it permanent. Our decision to embrace the shaping or reject the shaping is the "hard firing". It may be that we have to decide to accept or reject that shaping on a daily basis.

It may be that we realized the defect long after its initiation, it may be we were oblivious to the defect until someone pointed it out. Whatever the case, once we know it's there we can't ignore it. Hard fire new traits, new habits, new outlooks make the choice every day to reshape the clay.

Traveler's Spirit

I've always had a travelers spirit. My first car was a 1991 Geo Metro light blue. I got it in 2002, I was 17 and silly. I took every and any opportunity to ditch school and drive it as far I possibly could. I would get to school before the first bell to fill the car with my close friends and we'd take off. I never took off with any direction to me that was half the fun... a full tank of gas and the radio was all that was needed. Most times my friends and I would end up in no mans land watching cows on a farm or something. But the adventure of it all thrilled me. Not knowing which turn I was going to take or where it would land me. I was fearless. I never felt lost, I had a good internal GPS and was confident in my ability to make it home always. My friends must've trusted me they came along for the ride and asked no questions.

Life's journey is similar in some ways. We never know what's gonna happen from day to day. Even if you have a destination, the road can have many detours.

Some detours can be taxing. Other ones tax free and worth it.

Sometimes our inner GPS in on point. We know exactly where we are headed and are certain we'll make it there. Other times you start out in one direction... Lose your place end up elsewhere and look for help to get back.

I'm not sure if being lost is even an actuality. I think of it more as a state of mind. A state of panic even, you destined on a place... You took wrong turns... Got distracted missed an exit.. Got turned around somehow.. But even if you don't know where you are, you know how you got there, chances are you can get back on track. Granted finding your way back to where you veered off could be harder than the veering itself. I feel though if you make it back on track the chances of you taking a wrong turn this time are slim. You're paying more attention now... you might veer off but you won't stray as far as you did before.. You may need to stop for rest, to regroup and replenish gas and rations... But then rubber meets the road again and your headed to your destination. You'll make it with confidence, fearlessness, being alert of your surroundings, not repeating wrong turns when you do get back on track.

By the time my friends and I would make it back to town. It always felt like we had only been gone for a few moments... Such is life. When you reach where you're supposed to be you want to be able to look at the journey and relish in the memories. Not cringe at the recounting. Don't get lost in that.  Rejoice in life's journey. Find beauty in everything. Treat life with the travelers spirit.

Vannique S.