Cry for what?!

I've had my fair share of seriously unhealthy relationships.

They say compromise is key... But what you compromise on is the real focus.

Your values shouldn't be compromised. Your value shouldn't be compromised. (No I didn't repeat myself read it again) You shouldn't expect or accept less in the name of compromise. The moment you do it's no longer compromise it's a chipping away at your dignity and self worth.

I can't count how many times I ended up being the "Tony Montana" (bad guy) all cause I wouldn't be okay with things that weren't okay with me.

Not to say that real love doesn't make you uncomfortable...real love does have it's growing pains... But those pains will not be in your heart...they won't be in the form of public humiliation... they won't be in the form of empty promises... They won't be in the form of lies.

Granted your partner will err...after all no one is perfect.

I used to say I only had 2 deal breakers... Cheat & Beat... Either one you're in the street.

But my how I've grown... After my last "bad romance" I learned that there are darker evils, much more sinister deal breakers than the two I held on to... The creeping slow type...

Ohhh the manipulation..

Here's one truth: Some spirits are broken ... Broken for good... And they just aren't satisfied until they think they've broken yours. You'll be able to spot a broken spirit cause the favorite excuse is ALL THEIR EXES are "crazy". It's the other person's fault they ain't never do nothing. (Double negative heaven)

Really all of them??? Cut it out. 

Another big red flag on the play is LOYALTY... 

This is a 2 way street. 

The first time you REALLY need them and they let you hang.... LET THEM GO. No one who loves you would let you hang. PERIOD

Or are they showing you the same love, respect and kindness in public, around their friends, as they show you in private?  Does it seem that only you know how much they love you? Lol it's cause they don't. Love is shouted from the rooftops!!! Love is shouted from ya droptop while it drip drops rain! 

I'm here to tell you... It's okay to request that someone treat you right. I won't say "the way you think you deserve"... I won't say that because that's primarily the reason you accept what you should protest... You didn't think you deserved any better.

There's the lie... If you doing right you deserve right.... Right doesn't feel like a secret.. and right always feels like progress... 

If they can't get it right it's time you left.

After all what is it that you're holding on to? An idea... An aspiration.. A dream. No what you're holding onto is 

POISONOUS TOXIC ENERGY PERSONIFIED.

Let them go Brev

Let them go Sis

You deserve better

And it's out there. Out there uncompromisingly waiting on a loyal love like you and fighting to find you.

Alot of what I referenced was regards a romance but these principles extend and apply to any relationship. 

Unhealthy energies can creep into any relationship including family and friends.

Beware of the energy you bring;

AND the energy you allow in your space.

Live 

Love

Laugh

& Travel

Love!!! Work with Me

Someone once said:
 "Love is a many splendor-ed thing." 

I've also heard love referred to 
as a five letter word for a female dog. 

The Good Book describes love 
as patient and kind 
bearing all things
 believing all things.

 I know for a certainty 
that's true. 

Why?

 Because God is love. 
The very essence of 
His Majesty is loving. 

So long as you 
are giving His Grace 
something to work with,

 a honest effort, 

 to Him 
you are worthy.

But think back to Bible times...

 when He dispensed punishment 
to different ones. 

He would give ample time 

and He always warned them first.

In my home 
growing up 
that was called: 
"Fair warning".

 You know the speech you got 
about what you better not do again
 or at all, 

accompanied 
with a realistic time table 
and 

it's counterpart 
of what 
you should be doing,
 if you had any sense, 

coupled 
with the outcome 
of punishment
 to be expected should you 
not heed said "fair warning". 

It may have sounded something like: 
"If I come home today 
and find you outside again 
there's gonna be a problem. 
Now if you know what good for you, 
you gonna have these chores completed.... 
Or 
I'm gonna tear you lose from the frame."

Sound familiar?

Anyhow... 

God gave ample time 
and 
fair warning 
to all 
before he would act. 

If they adjusted 
to the proper degree 
then
they were spared His destruction, 

maybe not 
the consequences of their actions,
 but 

He lovingly 
allowed them 
to continue to breathe. 

But 
what if they didn't adjust? 

What if they wasted time...
 didn't heed fair warning 
and 

gave Him nothing to work with? 

Well let's just say 
it was never was pretty.

We are made in His image.

 To be able to display 
and

 feel loving emotions 
for most of us 
is second nature. 

All other virtues like 

kindness, patience, mildness may need 

to be cultivated 
but 
we are certainly capable.

The Good book also 
tells us what love
 is not.. 

not jealous..
 not puffed up with pride..
 it does not brag... 

doesn't seek it's own interests... 
doesn't become provoked, 

doesn't rejoice over unrighteousness.

Is there a relationship 

you are feeding that is 

indicative of what love is not??

Unlike God

 we don't dispense perfect justice 
in the manner of 
destroying or ending a life. 

No. 

Rather, 
if we haven't been given 
anything to work with 

from someone whom we love 
and expect to love us 

after 
ample time 
and fair warning...

we do have the option
to give the love 
to ourselves instead. 

It may be necessary 
to destroy 
or 
end the relationship. 

Or simply
refresh the boundaries of it. 

Feed your soul. 

Do the healing. 

Take a step back.

 Read. 

Meditate. 

Redirect. 

Regroup. 

Reevaluate. 

Revamp. 

Reformulate. 

Redistribute. 

And relax. 

Even The Almighty Himself 

can't make someone, who ought to, 

love Him. 

Neither can you.

Let that marinate for a moment.

Rinse and Repeat.
Then

realize 

it
 may not be personal for you

 or 

possible for them. 

Whatever you do...

do not 

internalize this. 

Question?

Do you think the Lord
 gives pure Love 
then

 blames Himself 
when its not reciprocated?

I doubt that highly!

 Remember

The only thing in this life 
you can control

 is yourself. 

Work with that first 

and foremost. 

True Love WILL follow.

Peace & Blessings

Vannique

TEMPLE CLEAN

Golden Temple India

TEMPLE CLEAN

At the house of your estranged, dead wife I dined. My mother and I were welcomed to stay as long as we wanted or so the invitation read. At the door a knock. I stand to look out of the peephole. Now my stomach turns.  Two scantily clad women then you. You in all your misery... stumbling.. smiling... enjoying the decadence of your debauchery. Your presence is unexpected and unwelcome. Now the doorbell. Look at the smile you wear. Disgusted I ask "What brings you here?" Recognizing the voice of the little girl whose body you violated, whose trust you earned so very undeserved, whose life you turned upside and out with your perversion...  your smile widens. My stomach stopped turning and rage began burning. I now realized... You are the devil... it wasn't the action of violating my body that thrilled you...it was the action of corrupting my soul...not the tarnishing of my temple... but the rusting of its contents was your true pleasure. If it's contents were destroyed by vandals and scandal then it could be a home for any old transient, derelict and harlot. From your point of view it would make your type worthy of entry. I opened the door. Did you somehow believe that little girl was still I...all these years later? Did you think that the single bullet remaining in my .38 wasn't especially reserved for you? Where'd your smile go after I pulled the trigger and let the pistol blow? Your women didn't weep. Your women didn't run.  They took decent clothes from their bags, dressed, smiled and turned away. My mother runs to the door. Behind me I hear her voice: "What have you done sweet child of mine?" My response as I stepped over your lifeless body gripping her right hand while the left covered her face in shock: "The world a favor." Your smile vanished as did the tarnish of my temple as did the corruption of it's contents...as did the pain of the memories. 

The Wrapup 2018

Pardon my French but...." Quelle putain d'année?!"

 

Like a speeding bullet, it flew by didn't it? And true to the nature of a speeding bullet, to be honest, all I can remember is the painful moments. In my subconscious they far outweighed the prideful moments. However, I remain grateful because the cleansing that resulted from this is phenomenal. Not only the cleansing but the internal reckoning of power, purpose and passion, within myself is incomparable and priceless. I would go through all those trials again in a millisecond to be in the constant state of self awareness that I am blessed to carry into 2019.

The Uncovering

For some reason, in this year it was revealed to me the innate nature of all those I adored. I was surprised to find most of the people I placed a high value upon were well below undeserving.  It felt as if I was at a soiree, draped in my finest attire, smelling of frankincense, myrrh, and lavender. My face painted by the illustrious Sir Prater of Mac Cosmetics. My glass full to the brim with the sweetest of Sangria, my heart full of good intentions, my head inflated with positivity and pure intentions carrying me high above the headwinds and into the thickest of clouds. Then "Down goes Frazier!" I came crashing when it was realized everyone else in attendance with me was in a costume.  There were wolves dressed as sheep, clowns dressed as confidants, assassins clothed in a lovers garb , foes draped with the cloak of family. So never mind what I was wearing! I may as well had been buck naked. The taste of my Sangria soured and my deflated head sent me spiraling back to the earth just as I was halfway to heaven. I came to the realization that baring your soul genuinely is the opposite of freedom in the wrong hands. I was awakened to the fact that I had held in esteem the very hands of those who: reviled in my captivity, who coveted my security and sought to sully my sincerity and tarnish it with either their jaded view of life or jaded view of me.  But not all who launched assault were jaded some knew my nature to be true, and saw me as a target to aim their missles and went on offense. Perhaps a light in me shined too bright for their eyes. Who really knows? I've resigned to not try and figure these ones out. Enough energy has been wasted on them well outside"why and what for." Action was required.

The Separating Shield

Costumes forsaken, I had been attacked by the wolves and the assassins and berated by the clowns when I readjusted my crown and cleared the court. The late Maya Angelou wrote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." The clearing of negative interference left me a bit empty at first. After all these were not strays or people I just adopted and let in. These were family, dear friends and lovers. People that I felt loved me simply because of how much I loved them. Let me be the first and hopefully the last to tell you: That's not how any of this works! Although I believe it should, it just doesn't. It is not a given that because they are family they will do you right. It is not a given that because you are sincere that they will be. It's not a given that because you will give to them your last dime that they would ever give you a red cent. It is not a fact that because you bend backward they will be impressed enough to move a muscle. It is not a given that because they know better they will do better! Do not ever make those assumptions that would be a fatal mistake. I've never been a pessimistic person and these experiences haven't made me one. If I turned my tuner to a pessimistic channel that would mean they all succeeded in stealing my joy. They did not! What they did do though, is held up a large mirror facing me. In this mirror I was able to see clearly that I hadn't been guarding myself with a complete suit of armor. I was leaving my heart completely exposed. They showed me I had forgot to carry my shield.

 The Ship of Thanks

The intent of these attacks were to chisel away at my buoyant spirit; with the hopeful intent to sink my ship. Instead it carved in me a discerning heart free from naivete. It sculpted a healthy consciousness of self completely free from undue or unworthy self sacrificing. It fashioned a form of energy that will not abide the slighting and cannot tolerate insincerity.

 In short those chisels have created a ship that is sailing into 2019. Yes, Kings and Queens this vessel is sailing into the New Year with no heavy (in every sense of the word) cargo.  And for that I'm grateful! My advice: Look at your vessel is there any cargo weighting you down? I know you may have loaded the cargo for the longhaul but it could be doing more damage on your voyage then it will ever do good once you reach your new fertile ground. Throw it overboard and let it sink to the floor of the sea! True to myself, I was able to find the silver lining and learn from pain. Now I can truly say looking forward with a new pair of glasses... my future looks very bright. 

Sail On
Peace and Blessings
Vannique

Solitude is My Fortitude

Solitude is my Fortitude-Vannique written @ Deep Sea

Don't fall for the Bullfrog!

Written by: Vannique

Illustration by: Alexander Keeton

I was recently told that : A bullfrog could be boiled alive and never attempt to jump out so long as the water began at room temperature.

Don't try this at home people! But let's give this a once over.

The frogs natural habitat has water. He's used to getting wet. For him, nothing unusual here. As the water rises slowly to 90° he acclimates. Then another 20° he acclimates. This acclimation continues all the way until the boiling point of 212° F. Now I'm no frog, (Resist the urge!) but I would think at some point it was too hot! But not for Jeremiah the Bullfrog.( I couldn't resist the urge!) Why did he stay? Jeremiah got desensitized to the escalation of his situation. And probably at one point thought to himself..."Mmm...cozy".

"Mmm Cozy" -Famous  Last Words

Now, I don't know if this is true or really just an old wives tale. However, here's one thing I do know : We humans can be just as dim to the severity and possible horrific outcomes when in a worsening situation. Somewhere in the scheme we accept what should be rejected.

The environment or whatever the situation we may be in, may be our norm. Going where we always go., doing what we've always done. Much like the frog in the water.

But is something amiss? Have you suddenly found yourself in your habits or situations accompanied by growing problems? Maybe you'd laid off of a healthy habit that you once had. Let's use the example of exercise. You skip a few days and say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". But we all know what happens: 3 days later you gain 50 lbs.

Let's up the stakes a few notches: You're in a longterm relationship, sent from Satan himself and rapidly declining. Somewhere in there you say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". You say: "I don't want to be single, I don't want to be solely responsible financially, where will I live? What about the car?" While you're thinking instead of moving, you may be approaching that "boiling point" of no return.

One more notch: A bad habit....pick one, any one, there's plenty to choose from: smoking, overdrinking, illicit drug use, losing your temper ect. These may have been apart of your habitat. They may be your norm. Chances are though you're seen different...even if it was just on TV. If left unrealized and unchecked how much "hot water" can any one of these  get you into.

Change is not "Mmmm Comfy"

Neither is any action you take to get to a higher ground. Jumping out the pot of boiling water, could land you on a hot stove (a difficult situation) yes, it's true. But it can also save your life. Self analysis (asking yourself the hard questions, or others and accepting the cold truth), coupled with making the choice, sticking to that choice and following through will bring positive change. 

The same person who shared this with me pointed out something  else its not enough to just take this thing away from yourself you also have to give yourself something positive in place of the bad habit or situation (even if not just to occupy your time and energy) is the start to change. *** This is not saying go find a person to waste time with that you have no real emotional attachment or possible future with!***

The Lesson In It All

Being complacent in an increasingly worsening situation can cost you your life. Not always in death, but maybe in quality. Seek growth...seek positive change. Don't fall for the bullfrog.

What's Your Problem; Idiom?!

By Vannique

"To every action there's a reaction."  "For every cause there is an effect." So let's say your kids are running through the house; this is the action or cause. While disobeying your rule :"No playing in the house cause you could break something you or me can't afford, fix or replace!" (This includes their necks. ) The kiddos ignore you; and the effect: Knock over your brand new, big screen, hi-def, wi-fi, smart TV with 3D capacity. (I think those exist?) Of course, you opted out of the insurance/replacement plan because of the manufacturers warranty, and when you purchased the TV 10 days ago they said you could add it in 30 days if you changed your mind. 

At the register you thought to yourself "I should probably buy this for an additional $300" then you remember "schools starting and I've got other things to buy we actually need.... Nothing is gonna happen to it" As you recall this fiduciary and mental transaction, during the slow motion run toward the television that has hit the floor in pieces faster than you ever thought possible, You remember something else you learned long ago that you wished you would've recalled at the register: Murphy's Law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

So what now?  What's your reaction?  Some of you are just in tears unable to function (Its almost football season! Now how are you gonna see the NY Giants get the 5th ring for 2015? GO BIG BLUE!!)  Some of you are thinking of how best to punish the children. Yet and still others of you are searching for a solution to the current situation.  You're in correct the crisis mode. Analyzing, prioritizing, rationalizing, reasoning. This group realizes the meaning of the idiom: No use of crying over spilled milk. 

Its not that the issue is small. . The point of the idiom, from Vanniques view, is to be solution oriented.  Clean up the milk before it soaks into your carpet and smells of mold and spoiled milk. (More Problems!) Before the milk sets too long on your hardwood floors and ruins the finish! (More Problems!) Before a visitor slips in the milk and sues your pants off.(More Problems!) See my point here? By not being solution oriented then the one problem just expands to more problems. Not fun, trust me.

I firmly believe to every problem there is a solution. Though the solution may not be ideal. Though it may be progressive rather than immediate, therefore requiring patience which for some is difficult to develop; still there is a solution. What if you've run into   something seeming to be a problem that appears to have not a solution. There could be a few reasons why.

1.) You've declined the solution:

You have an answer but it's not ideal. It does nothing for your fancy. It eats at your pride  (which can sometimes be treacherous.) Although it resolves the issue it's not to your liking. So you reject it.

2.)That you've not exhausted all your options or possibilities:

Sometimes we get a one track mind to our problem and only see one way out.  This way of thinking can be an impediment to a solution.  Thinking fast, or fast-tracking to your solution is fine, and sometimes necessary. But at times there is not an obvious solution or a fast track and you've got to think outside of the box. "There is more than one way to skin a cat"....or so I've been told.

Last but not least; a reason to be reckoned with.

3.) It's not a problem at all; it's  an Absolute:

Meaning there  is no "solution". Its the way it is, nothing can change it. I'm not quick to put things in the absolute category because it can create a defeatist attitude, becoming a catch-all to every problem that arises.  Its important to be able to recognize the difference. With that said though this must be said: Absolutes do exist. If there wasn't there would be no "Serenity Prayer." Even with absolutes there are still options: Accept it is one option. Or reject it completely.  This meaning dismiss it, never to be revisited again. I'm not quick to do the latter either. If you're quickly dismissive you may overlook something. 

I feel all problems and absolutes bare scrutiny and analysis, to decide which they are and which road to take.  Scrutiny and analysis mean nothing though, if it's not in a solution oriented manner. So when facing a problem remember these idioms:

"Every cause has and effect."

"For every action there is a reaction." 

"Don't cry over spilled milk."

"For every problem there is a solution."

"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

And

"Some things are absolute."

Depression The Silent Slayer

Depression

The Silent Slayer

Ever had a gloomy day? Has that gloomy day lasted for a week? Do you feel like nothing will improve? Are you embarrassed to admit those things aloud? Join the club. In 2012 it was reported about 350 million, 5% of the earth’s population, suffer from depression. If you’re just now thinking to yourself “That’s not much compared to the 7 billion people living on earth.” You could say that but picture each person with the value of $1 in your bank account? Still sneezing at it? The value of 1 life is worth so much more.

Depression is a disease, like diabetes or cancer, it can infect healthy ways of living and erode even the very will to live. So how can we snap out of it? Here are a few tips that you can try or suggest to a loved one suffering from depression.

1.       Talk to someone

More people love you than you probably know, and are completely willing to do what they can to assist you. However, if you feel that’s not the truth then talk to a professional. They can help you figure out just where the depression stems from and offer you a fresh perspective. Is money an issue? There are some state funded agencies that have grants for those who can’t afford the type of treatment you may require. Check your local agencies to see what’s available.

2.       Take something to feel better

If medication prescribed by a doctor is not an option or not your thing (some side-effects being as undesirable as what it may be treating) then look for herbal remedies. Go to your local herbal store, a brick and mortar store like GNC or Whole Foods but if you just can’t get out of the door or out the bed take whatever medium you are using now to read this article and search online for reputable herbal companies, i.e. Nature’s Way, Irwin Naturals. Search for herbs to improve your mood and outlook (St. Johns Wart, Sunny Mood). Do your research though, some of these herbs don’t interact well with other mental health and wellness drugs so be informed.

3.       Take care of your body

Physical activity can do leaps and bounds for your mental health. It doesn’t have to be rigorous or strenuous. Small things a walk in the park, a jog around the block, go fishing. Just get active the more you are moving and taking in your surroundings the less apt you are to fixate and obsess over what’s not perfect in your life. A part of taking care of your health includes what you take in for food, so watch what you eat. Little by little make positive changes in your daily diet.

4.       Find an outlet

Not just any outlet! Healthy and responsible ones. What’s that thing you used to love to do and could do all day long?? Yeah! Do that even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes. OH no you don’t enjoy it anymore. It happens don’t fret. Try something new, language, reading materials, challenge your brain, paint, take pictures, write a poem, write a short story or how about learn a new dance! Lord knows there’s no shortage of those on You Tube. The point is don’t just sit idle. It’s very dangerous.

5.       Don’t underestimate the power of prayer

Sometimes 1-4 just can’t cut it because you can’t take that first step to even try. If you find yourself unable to, drop everything and have a conversation with the Creator. Not a memorized and recited prayer. Pour out the depths of your soul. Tell him your troubles if you can pinpoint them, If not ask him to read your heart and mind. Request that He impart His Holy Spirit and watch almost instantly you will have a measure of strength. What if you don’t know what eactly to say? There are literally hundreds of prayers in the Bible. Read it. Until you can find the words borrow theirs. After all He is the God of Comfort.

The Body and mind are a Temple. A Temple unkempt and uncared for eventually becomes a ruin. Don’t ruin your Temple.