I wonder
if some single people see couples and think “luxury”. I admit, at one time, I had those thoughts.
What I was overlooking is that, like any other luxury, it comes with expense.
Once you attain the luxury, at an expense, you have to maintain the luxury;
again at more expense. So let’s just say it’s taxing. Constant compromise,
co-existing, co-dwelling (let’s face it you never really know someone until you’ve
lived with them.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying being in a relationship is
Hell (although if I had to base it on my last relationship I would be inclined
to lean south.) But I am saying relationships aren’t Heaven. Much work and sacrifice goes
into maintaining the luxury and keeping it “like new”. By that I’m referring to
that fresh feeling of a new relationship. That point in the beginning where even
the annoyances, that will ultimately drive you to drink further into the
relationship, are tolerable to you.
LIFE WITHOUT THE LUXURY
I
understand that life even if you’re single requires sacrifice, compromise, and
even co-existence (work, school, family) but it’s to a measure. So your dinner
compromise may sound something like: “Should I have my absolute favorite meal
for dinner, or should I have my other
absolute favorite meal for dinner?”
Worlds away from: “I’d love to have lasagna tonight but, oh darn my
lover is allergic to ricotta cheese.” Some things there’s just no compromising on.
(Lasagna is NOT Lasagna without ricotta!)
But
what of other matters: job hours, where you’ll live, when someone will be
allowed in your space; (a girl or guy has the right to roam the house naked
without unexpected company coming by to watch the game or gossip). What about
who will be allowed in your space? It’s almost impossible to adore ALL your mates friends; it’s written
somewhere in the luxury handbook. There’s always one of their friends that you’d
rather be in the opposite car of you on the caravan trip to Cabo. If I said it
once, I’ve said it a million times: Peace is priceless!
FINDING YOUR PEACE
Peace is
a state of tranquility. Can it be achieved in numbers? Absolutely. With work
and, I have to admit, expense of energy it can also be achieved on a solitary
level.
So where’s your peace? What speaks to you? Is it in work, fashion,
gardening, music, writing, exercise, cooking…the options are endless. I can’t
think of many more viable positions other than being single, to locate where
your peace is found, learn yourself, place value on yourself, build on where
you’ve found your peace, expand your mind and horizons without distractions (as
we all know relationships can be.)
At the risk of blowing my whole theory in
half, it’s worth admitting this can also be done with a mate however this
growth will be partly shaped by another individual (as if our minds don’t receive
shaping from life’s experiences.) In the end being single is also a luxury of
sorts, and in time you get what you pay for. Using your single time wisely to
invest in yourself will undoubtedly attract the kindred spirit who respects the
luxury of inner peace you’ve found. Think hard have you ever seen a toxic
couple that were “perfect for one another”? They got what they paid for. Something
in the soul attracts another to you. So if you find yourself asking “how do I end
up with these losers?!” it's time for soul-searching, after you ditch the loser of
course.
STINKS?
I guess that depends on what smells good to you. To me everything
is perspective, still it reduces to one thing: If you’re not happy alone, you’ll
probably not be happy with someone. It’s important to be self-sufficient,
self-containing, self-confident and self-motivated not to be confused with self-ish. Smells good to me.