The Wrapup 2018

Pardon my French but...." Quelle putain d'année?!"

 

Like a speeding bullet, it flew by didn't it? And true to the nature of a speeding bullet, to be honest, all I can remember is the painful moments. In my subconscious they far outweighed the prideful moments. However, I remain grateful because the cleansing that resulted from this is phenomenal. Not only the cleansing but the internal reckoning of power, purpose and passion, within myself is incomparable and priceless. I would go through all those trials again in a millisecond to be in the constant state of self awareness that I am blessed to carry into 2019.

The Uncovering

For some reason, in this year it was revealed to me the innate nature of all those I adored. I was surprised to find most of the people I placed a high value upon were well below undeserving.  It felt as if I was at a soiree, draped in my finest attire, smelling of frankincense, myrrh, and lavender. My face painted by the illustrious Sir Prater of Mac Cosmetics. My glass full to the brim with the sweetest of Sangria, my heart full of good intentions, my head inflated with positivity and pure intentions carrying me high above the headwinds and into the thickest of clouds. Then "Down goes Frazier!" I came crashing when it was realized everyone else in attendance with me was in a costume.  There were wolves dressed as sheep, clowns dressed as confidants, assassins clothed in a lovers garb , foes draped with the cloak of family. So never mind what I was wearing! I may as well had been buck naked. The taste of my Sangria soured and my deflated head sent me spiraling back to the earth just as I was halfway to heaven. I came to the realization that baring your soul genuinely is the opposite of freedom in the wrong hands. I was awakened to the fact that I had held in esteem the very hands of those who: reviled in my captivity, who coveted my security and sought to sully my sincerity and tarnish it with either their jaded view of life or jaded view of me.  But not all who launched assault were jaded some knew my nature to be true, and saw me as a target to aim their missles and went on offense. Perhaps a light in me shined too bright for their eyes. Who really knows? I've resigned to not try and figure these ones out. Enough energy has been wasted on them well outside"why and what for." Action was required.

The Separating Shield

Costumes forsaken, I had been attacked by the wolves and the assassins and berated by the clowns when I readjusted my crown and cleared the court. The late Maya Angelou wrote: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." The clearing of negative interference left me a bit empty at first. After all these were not strays or people I just adopted and let in. These were family, dear friends and lovers. People that I felt loved me simply because of how much I loved them. Let me be the first and hopefully the last to tell you: That's not how any of this works! Although I believe it should, it just doesn't. It is not a given that because they are family they will do you right. It is not a given that because you are sincere that they will be. It's not a given that because you will give to them your last dime that they would ever give you a red cent. It is not a fact that because you bend backward they will be impressed enough to move a muscle. It is not a given that because they know better they will do better! Do not ever make those assumptions that would be a fatal mistake. I've never been a pessimistic person and these experiences haven't made me one. If I turned my tuner to a pessimistic channel that would mean they all succeeded in stealing my joy. They did not! What they did do though, is held up a large mirror facing me. In this mirror I was able to see clearly that I hadn't been guarding myself with a complete suit of armor. I was leaving my heart completely exposed. They showed me I had forgot to carry my shield.

 The Ship of Thanks

The intent of these attacks were to chisel away at my buoyant spirit; with the hopeful intent to sink my ship. Instead it carved in me a discerning heart free from naivete. It sculpted a healthy consciousness of self completely free from undue or unworthy self sacrificing. It fashioned a form of energy that will not abide the slighting and cannot tolerate insincerity.

 In short those chisels have created a ship that is sailing into 2019. Yes, Kings and Queens this vessel is sailing into the New Year with no heavy (in every sense of the word) cargo.  And for that I'm grateful! My advice: Look at your vessel is there any cargo weighting you down? I know you may have loaded the cargo for the longhaul but it could be doing more damage on your voyage then it will ever do good once you reach your new fertile ground. Throw it overboard and let it sink to the floor of the sea! True to myself, I was able to find the silver lining and learn from pain. Now I can truly say looking forward with a new pair of glasses... my future looks very bright. 

Sail On
Peace and Blessings
Vannique

Thrive

The Point Podcast
365°
THE POINT PODCAST 365°" on Anchor: https://anchor.fm/vannique-s?at=2129822

December 31 2017-Jan12018
A new years experience to remember.
I went to an NYE PARTY at a  Cambodian home. The joy, the fellowship, the smiles, the positive energy was incomparable and infectious. The crowd greeted my brother and I with cheers when we entered the room, followed by a swarm of drinks...Top shelf stuff Jameson, Remy Martin, Champgne but first..."medicine" at least that's what they called it... a root and herb mixture.. zesty tangy and looked much like a tea. They danced all night.. live music with singing included karaoke style and passing the michrophone. I sat and watch a man and a woman disagree push and shove and no one flinched... me I sat down and out the way thinking "Ohh no drunk NYE COUPLE FIGHT" then as quick as it began it dispelled. A passionate people indeed. They kept me dancing all night! Every time I took a seat somone else said...come on.... the men and the women! Everyone danced and sang into the 1st day of 2018 Celebrating life, celebrating reaching the marking of a new year others were not as fortunate to meet.
Then the dancing and singing stopped around 3... some had fallen asleep...others slept through the party and were now awake... they got out blankets and pillows and huddled together on the floors couches.. and talked for hours to each other... very welcoming and friendly people they
freely spoke to me as well. Engineers, day traders and small but thriving business owners. Each of them smiled while we engaged in conversation... not just because we were all drunk.. but it was clear they were actually happy. They knew a secret.. infact I walked in and the joy took over me... I was smiling... I hadn't even drank yet...A woman came to me and said... Why are you smiling... I answered because I'm happy and she invited me to dance... But even by the end of the night the sense of family, contentment, and joy prevailed. Net the final moment of my Cambodian Experience I spoke with someone who explained to me.. they were all family.. though marriage of through blood. They had come here years ago... Refugees from a cruel leader who had killed off the countries influential families including some of their parents and grandparents. The detachment from the traditional ways of their culture slowly increase however what they've created is a grand substitute for the real thing. They've made a choice to continue living and create a family, a community, and a legacy outside of the ones cast on them by life.

So what's the point?
The Point is... they had several excuses to fall apart as a group but they have thrived DESPITE the pain. SO THRIVE  DESPITE THE PAIN.

Listen to my segment "THE POINT PODCAST 365°" on Anchor: https://anchor.fm/vannique-s?at=2129822

Nanas' Last Look

              

My feet were frozen in that spot, fused to the hideous green carpet in the stairwell of my mother’s apartment. As I watched the two paramedics struggle to wheel the large gurney through the narrow opening of my mother’s wooden trimmed apartment door, I went numb. Nanas' facial expression was one of complete exhaustion. Her body lay still, weak and frail and barely recognizable from the Grandmother I grew up loving. Yes, her hair was still in locks but now they had grayed. Yes, her skin still smelled of sweet lavender but it no longer had a bright shine. She had always been thin framed but now she was mostly skin and bones; outside of her distended stomach that gave her the appearance of being with child. The cancer had robbed her of the glow that was once synonymous with her. As I surveyed my best friend, I convinced myself if I didn’t tell her that I loved her that she couldn’t die. She locked eyes with me momentarily then as she rounded the stairwell she expended a flimsy but sincere smile. I just stared. I should have used the last moment that I would lay eyes her alive, to tell her just how much she meant to me and how much I did and still love her. 

When's the last time you had a really good time?

November 2014

My best friend, at the time, and I took a trip to my home town, Newark, New Jersey. My father was turning 50 and having a dinner party! It was a blast. Surrounded by family and loved ones, I got to show B. Scott (bestie) a ball in the big city. It wasn't conventional so to speak.  He had never seen the east coast so, of course, he wanted and truthfully I baited him with, Time Square, Greenwich Village, NY City night clubs and Atlantic city. But once we arrived, it was almost impossible. I was only there for 2 nights & 3 days I had to go visit family. That  would take most of the time. Truth be told I needed "tour guides" for the rest of the things I wanted to show my buddy and I thought to myself "How can we fit this all in?"

Well we didn't. The first night B.Scott got to see a little bit of Jersey the local life, but entertaining none the less. While waiting on a food order to feed over 50 people for the night, I saw something I hadn't had in years, and bestie had never had in his life, an Italian Cheeseburger (Google it.) I ordered one for us to split (I still had to fit in my dress the next night!) When the order came up I tossed to B.Scott a greasy brown bag and said "try this, but save me half" he says "you just gonna hand me a greasy brown bag and tell me to eat it?" My response was with confidence "You'll love it."
 Just outside there were city people living city life, the local club had people outside being loud and confrontational, the culture there is very different from where we live. The look on my buddy's face: priceless.  When we got back to my father's house, my father and step-mother, Jacquie, were having a house party. Nobody knows how to party quite like my Dad. I think it's where I got the itch from. Upstairs family and friends are feeding their faces, laughing and talking. Downstairs there was the music, playing cards (spades), the drinks, and more laughter. In the garage more people, more laughter, more drinks, and trash-talking. Where I'm from trash-talking is an art. There's a line you walk and it's a thin one. On one side it's funny, the other it's offensive. It's not for the faint of heart. My Big Brother Malik, and Uncles, (Amir & Phatcat, in particular) and Cousins wasted no time hard pressure testing my dinner date. He passed! The trash-talk flew back and fourth like a Venus & Serena match and in between every volley, outburst of laughter and jeering. That party lasted all night. That's not a figure of speech that's literally to state: people were still there after breakfast who hadn't slept a wink. I'm not one of those people. I went to bed and slept great surrounded by so much love, that sounded like a fraternity party.

The next morning, day 2, I had to make my rounds before the dinner. I visited my aunts and my Grandfather, whom I hadn't seen in years. But time flies when you're having fun... and don't really know your way around. So before we knew it, it was time to get ready for the dinner.

This was no ordinary dinner. It was a $100 a plate event, invitation only, equipped with open bar, gourmet menus, a fabulous DJ, and stunning venue. Ohh let's not forget the photographer who took some amazing memories that some like to call pictures. (One I'm not very proud of). We danced until they shut us down. Once that was over I got separated from my bestie. He was hi-jacked by my brother and his friends who no doubt took him on a  fantastic journey. I didn't see them for a few hours.

Back at Dads more laughter, cards, drinks (as if they hadn't enough) music and memory making. This one was an all-nighter as well. But again not for me. I was awakened by my Father, the next morning, who asked me to take him to the store to buy breakfast for the family, to him friends are family too, so I did. Dad and I walked the store, chatting about the party and picking up a country breakfast for the city folks: bacon, sausage, grits, eggs, biscuits... the works. We arrived back to Dads to find people still awake, to find people just waking up, and dad finally laying down. My Cousin Andre (Drake), his brother Heavy, and Jacquie cooked breakfast. My bestie and my Big Brother were still in recovery from the night before. But after breakfast it was time to go home. Sad indeed, 2 whole days was too short.

On the flight back home I felt a little guilty I hadn't taken him to Times Square, Greenwich Village, Atlantic City... none of the places I baited him with, but he seemed content. I asked him "How was the Italian Cheeseburger?" his response was one word "Fire".

That was the last time I had a really good time. But the point is it didn't take spending lots of money shopping, site-seeing, gambling. Although there's nothing wrong with those things, it took family, love, laughter and that's all it ever takes. So take time to make memories with your loved ones go have a really good time people.

Hey its almost November again! I'm overdue a good time. Well Kansas City here I come!