It's Time

Wrap Up 2022

Here comes 2023.

Here I stand with a complete and whole heart?

How can that be?

2022 Certainly tried it's best to undo me.

I came in with my heart broken in Half.

Cut ties with some decade old Friends 
Cut ties with some lifelong Kin...   

A farewell to a Fiancé months before nuptials.

 
I haven't included any trials and test but add them too and long before June.... My heart should've been in many more pieces than 2.

But what have we got here???

I feel renewed
I am at Peace
I am Serene

Happiness suits me despite trials...

 I wear a smile despite my test & YES I know the best is yet to come.
Joy is a constant even when things go wrong, 

&

I realized I needed all of this to make me stronger.

Strength, I have but not alone. I couldn't have done any of this on my own.

Thank God,

 without His guidance...

 I would have been just where the enemy wanted me... broken in 2022.

Here comes 2023.
Here I stand with a complete and whole heart.

Fully Armored
&
Ready for the next chapter to start.

Cry for what?!

I've had my fair share of seriously unhealthy relationships.

They say compromise is key... But what you compromise on is the real focus.

Your values shouldn't be compromised. Your value shouldn't be compromised. (No I didn't repeat myself read it again) You shouldn't expect or accept less in the name of compromise. The moment you do it's no longer compromise it's a chipping away at your dignity and self worth.

I can't count how many times I ended up being the "Tony Montana" (bad guy) all cause I wouldn't be okay with things that weren't okay with me.

Not to say that real love doesn't make you uncomfortable...real love does have it's growing pains... But those pains will not be in your heart...they won't be in the form of public humiliation... they won't be in the form of empty promises... They won't be in the form of lies.

Granted your partner will err...after all no one is perfect.

I used to say I only had 2 deal breakers... Cheat & Beat... Either one you're in the street.

But my how I've grown... After my last "bad romance" I learned that there are darker evils, much more sinister deal breakers than the two I held on to... The creeping slow type...

Ohhh the manipulation..

Here's one truth: Some spirits are broken ... Broken for good... And they just aren't satisfied until they think they've broken yours. You'll be able to spot a broken spirit cause the favorite excuse is ALL THEIR EXES are "crazy". It's the other person's fault they ain't never do nothing. (Double negative heaven)

Really all of them??? Cut it out. 

Another big red flag on the play is LOYALTY... 

This is a 2 way street. 

The first time you REALLY need them and they let you hang.... LET THEM GO. No one who loves you would let you hang. PERIOD

Or are they showing you the same love, respect and kindness in public, around their friends, as they show you in private?  Does it seem that only you know how much they love you? Lol it's cause they don't. Love is shouted from the rooftops!!! Love is shouted from ya droptop while it drip drops rain! 

I'm here to tell you... It's okay to request that someone treat you right. I won't say "the way you think you deserve"... I won't say that because that's primarily the reason you accept what you should protest... You didn't think you deserved any better.

There's the lie... If you doing right you deserve right.... Right doesn't feel like a secret.. and right always feels like progress... 

If they can't get it right it's time you left.

After all what is it that you're holding on to? An idea... An aspiration.. A dream. No what you're holding onto is 

POISONOUS TOXIC ENERGY PERSONIFIED.

Let them go Brev

Let them go Sis

You deserve better

And it's out there. Out there uncompromisingly waiting on a loyal love like you and fighting to find you.

Alot of what I referenced was regards a romance but these principles extend and apply to any relationship. 

Unhealthy energies can creep into any relationship including family and friends.

Beware of the energy you bring;

AND the energy you allow in your space.

Live 

Love

Laugh

& Travel

Love!!! Work with Me

Someone once said:
 "Love is a many splendor-ed thing." 

I've also heard love referred to 
as a five letter word for a female dog. 

The Good Book describes love 
as patient and kind 
bearing all things
 believing all things.

 I know for a certainty 
that's true. 

Why?

 Because God is love. 
The very essence of 
His Majesty is loving. 

So long as you 
are giving His Grace 
something to work with,

 a honest effort, 

 to Him 
you are worthy.

But think back to Bible times...

 when He dispensed punishment 
to different ones. 

He would give ample time 

and He always warned them first.

In my home 
growing up 
that was called: 
"Fair warning".

 You know the speech you got 
about what you better not do again
 or at all, 

accompanied 
with a realistic time table 
and 

it's counterpart 
of what 
you should be doing,
 if you had any sense, 

coupled 
with the outcome 
of punishment
 to be expected should you 
not heed said "fair warning". 

It may have sounded something like: 
"If I come home today 
and find you outside again 
there's gonna be a problem. 
Now if you know what good for you, 
you gonna have these chores completed.... 
Or 
I'm gonna tear you lose from the frame."

Sound familiar?

Anyhow... 

God gave ample time 
and 
fair warning 
to all 
before he would act. 

If they adjusted 
to the proper degree 
then
they were spared His destruction, 

maybe not 
the consequences of their actions,
 but 

He lovingly 
allowed them 
to continue to breathe. 

But 
what if they didn't adjust? 

What if they wasted time...
 didn't heed fair warning 
and 

gave Him nothing to work with? 

Well let's just say 
it was never was pretty.

We are made in His image.

 To be able to display 
and

 feel loving emotions 
for most of us 
is second nature. 

All other virtues like 

kindness, patience, mildness may need 

to be cultivated 
but 
we are certainly capable.

The Good book also 
tells us what love
 is not.. 

not jealous..
 not puffed up with pride..
 it does not brag... 

doesn't seek it's own interests... 
doesn't become provoked, 

doesn't rejoice over unrighteousness.

Is there a relationship 

you are feeding that is 

indicative of what love is not??

Unlike God

 we don't dispense perfect justice 
in the manner of 
destroying or ending a life. 

No. 

Rather, 
if we haven't been given 
anything to work with 

from someone whom we love 
and expect to love us 

after 
ample time 
and fair warning...

we do have the option
to give the love 
to ourselves instead. 

It may be necessary 
to destroy 
or 
end the relationship. 

Or simply
refresh the boundaries of it. 

Feed your soul. 

Do the healing. 

Take a step back.

 Read. 

Meditate. 

Redirect. 

Regroup. 

Reevaluate. 

Revamp. 

Reformulate. 

Redistribute. 

And relax. 

Even The Almighty Himself 

can't make someone, who ought to, 

love Him. 

Neither can you.

Let that marinate for a moment.

Rinse and Repeat.
Then

realize 

it
 may not be personal for you

 or 

possible for them. 

Whatever you do...

do not 

internalize this. 

Question?

Do you think the Lord
 gives pure Love 
then

 blames Himself 
when its not reciprocated?

I doubt that highly!

 Remember

The only thing in this life 
you can control

 is yourself. 

Work with that first 

and foremost. 

True Love WILL follow.

Peace & Blessings

Vannique

No Halle Berry

None of us are exempt from lifes challenges and discomforts. Our loved ones die, we get sick, our hearts get broken. These are life's inevitables. (Check your pulse of you haven't experienced at least 1 of the 3...seriously.)

You don't have much control in any of these situations. If  someone passes away, (unless you murdered them) its not in your control.  If you get ill, it's not in your control. If your heart is broken...again...not in your control.

To a measure you can prepare and take precautions to prevent these things. Those actions help but sometimes change nothing at all.
 
I'm in no way comparing the inevitables, they all have their own set of reactions. I want to focus on the reaction to heartbreak.

What a pain felt from heartbreak! Hell we almost feel sick or dying don't we? For some of us it takes time, therapy and lots of ice cream. Others of us are like a determined child...fall off, get right back up and try to ride again. Then, there are those of us who try to move on but internalize everything that happened and blame themselves.. I mean take on the burden of being the reason why something doesn't work out. I want to say to those types:
YOU AIN'T NO HALLE BERRY!
(stay with me)

She is a beautiful, accomplished, filthy stinking rich sex symbol. Unarguably,  one the best in her field.. WHOSE ON HUSBAND NUMBER 3. Now I don't know Halle personally but what I do know is I have yet to meet a man, or woman for that matter, who won't agree that from any angle...in any light... in any movie, from Boomerang to The Call, this woman is a phenomenal. ( It's an understatement really!) Even she is not immune to lifes inevitables. But what does that tell you? Think about it.
What more could one need than  to have the love of someone like her?

Apparently something. But, does  their needs indicate a deficiency in her? Does your exes behavior signify a deficit in you?

No not all. It may feel at first you are to blame. You may think "Had I done this more..or that more..cooked more...dressed better."
If you loved them best you could and you know it... then know this too...Nothing you have done or didn't do would have changed the outcome.

True love is blind.. doesn't care if you can cook..or dress snazzy.

My point is don't take the wrap for it. Dont internalize it. Not only is it not your fault but it's also out of your control. We all possess free will. You can't make someone love you.

People reject God daily... and He is perfect in all HIS ways.

The reality is someone who can lie to you, cheat on you, hurt you, may not love you.  And really do we expect them to? When it's clear those who have this type of appetite are usually insatiable... and suffering from a deep seated insecurity. They are champions at disguising this... And often get a sense of fulfillment from being desired, loved or even coveted.

Believe the almost unbelievable... ITS REALLY NOT YOU. IT'S THEM.

Also realize that it's part of life. Few and truly blessed are those who've never experienced a broken heart. But most are not immune... Not me, not you, none of us...
If it can happen to Halle Berry...it can happen to you...(No shade buuuuut) YOU AIN'T NO HALLE BERRY.

Love is A 14-Piece Puzzle

I sometimes wonder if being in love equals being a fool. Is it the same thing? Every time I’ve had deep emotions for a person and they let me down (as everyone will, because no one is perfect) I regretted ever opening my heart. I look at married couples and honestly very few do I admire. Just about everyone I know who’s married has a grey area. I see or hear something about the marriage and immediately think “No friggin way! I would never put up with that in a million years.” But is the tradeoff being single? Or is there a happy medium anywhere?

I'm aware pride is for the fool. But haven’t you heard that “love is for fools” and” love don’t love nobody?”  Or is my love button broken? Is it me? I truly can’t imagine being a fool for love. Then again, as I look over my past relationships, I have before. However, when I was playing the fool (as we all have at some point in time) I didn’t care! Being with that person meant more to me than the appearance of being in control. So is that what love’s about? Does real love numb pride and thinking capacity? 

Pride

Honestly, numbing pride doesn’t seem so bad. Pride can be detrimental to any relationship. But who says which issues to yield on? I suppose that’s where picking your battles come in. Now can someone define for me where the line between pride and self-respect is? In my opinion it’s a really thin line that may blur when you’re in love. 

Thinking Capacity

The moment that thin line is no longer visible, does your brain power flat-line? No longer do you care about pride so when your mate commits what used to be the unthinkable and serious violation the heart takes over and you’re like “I’ll never let go, Jack” ( in my best Rose from the Titanic voice). I don’t get it!? Again maybe my love button is broken.

I Wonder

Maybe, just maybe, I’m meant to be alone. Don’t misread me, I’m not made of stone. I desire companionship, a teammate, a travel partner, a counter-part (I don’t think we were designed to be alone, although we have the capacity). But at what expense?  Is this “better-half” notion just something people idealize?  Or is it that the idea of love is different from the reality of love?  

Is the reality that, when you’re in love sometimes you’ll be irrational, sometimes you’ll capitulate, sometimes you’ll be a fool, sometimes you bend and bend and bend without breaking? I have to be honest with myself and say I don’t think I was designed to love, none of that sounds appealing to me. I think love maybe one of those things that you have to take the good with the bad.

Long Distance Relationships

Are they even possible?

There's no way around the fact that tech has changed our lives forever. Technology has afforded some opportunities they've only dreamed of.  It's made our world smaller so to speak while, simultaneously opening our eyes to how big it really is. It's even effected the dating scene. By this I mean you could start or even continue a relationship with distance being a looming factor.

Do I suggest starting a relationship with someone online? Ehhhh that's rough. I mean, you've watched catfish right? We know what's possible, to be honest I personally think that's the best possible outcome on the negative side as the whole world is going crazy. I'm not saying I'm completely against it. I'm saying don't just be careful, be smart.

So, while some of you ponder on whether you online babe in Italy is really a beau with a big belly in Inglewood, the rest of us will focus on previously established relationships that have been thrust into the long-distance category.

Long Distance Loving

So you had to move and for whatever reason your love can't. This is definitely a stressor on any relationship despite the level of devotion to your partner. Surprisingly though, the same rules apply as if you were in the same city. Whatever kept the ball rolling then will keep it rolling with a little more work.

Communication: 

Set up times daily or regularly, whatever works for you both, to speak. Keep this schedule, NOTHING interferes with this time. Whether it's before your day starts, at the end of your day or during lunch. This helps your partner to feel apart of your routine. If for any reason you can't that day be courteous and give advanced notice. Don't allow this to become habitual though. If the chosen communication schedule doesn't work any longer, collectively decide on a new one. Men, yes you, this is not the only time you call your boo. This is just a reserved time, no matter what, that you two talk. So don't shy away from sending random text and unplanned phone calls. Those are the things that let your mate know you still care.

Be thoughtful:

This includes sending e-cards, new music, flowers, candy, not just you fellas, ladies you too. Whatever it is that your man is into as far as hobbies or even work, take an interest and involve yourself. Don't get all overwhelming but if he likes show cars and you seen one, take a pic with it or something of that nature. Or, do you know he likes ball games, buy him tickets to attend a game locally. It's a two way street.

Trust: 

I saw a meme once that said something like: "Trust is fragile like a piece of paper. Once it's crumbled you can try to straighten it out but it's ruined."
So very true. With that said it's important that you don't lie to your partner. Especially those of you who did not relocate. If it's Friday and you're gonna have a night out with friends that's what you tell your mate. Not movie night or any other crap. Why you ask, well besides the fact that lying to your mate is wrong (yes even if you're trying to avoid hurting them or avoid fighting)  it usually causes more problems then it will ever solve. Tell me, what you'll do when it gets to your long distant mate through any social media, or nosey hater, that you weren't eating popcorn in your Pjs? Even if plans changed from popping popcorn to popping bottles, keep your lover in the loop.

Face to Face:

Nothing ever truly substitutes for cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and gazing into each others eyes. So create a plan together if possible that allows for you two to spend actual time together in the physical realm. Avoid, if you can, letting anything interfere. Stick to the plan! If it's every six months then by planning together, saving money together, booking travel arrangements this is a great way to stay in touch.  Anticipation of the visit is like foreplay. Better yet try and plan a getaway together to make the time spent surreal. However if for you I've reached lala land meaning it's just not a viable option then let's thank God for Technology right? There's no shortage of ways to keep in touch, face to face or in the cyber realm and for free at that: Facebook, Twitter,Facetime, What's App, Viber, Skype, Tango (one of my personal favorites because it allows you quality time of sorts to have fun with in-call mini games!)

What's the point?

Yes! It's absolutely possible to sustain a happy long distance relationship. Although it will take more time and effort then a conventional relationship, still it's doable. Remember to communicate regularly, be thoughtful, let your actions promote trust, and try and get as much face to face time in as possible..

Happy long distance loving!