How was your day at work? It could
have been great if it weren’t for Karen.* Karen the workplace bully makes every
day of the work week a Monday, and much longer than it has to be. Day after day
you tolerate snide comments, constant complaining, unwanted input, and
unwelcome humor (which is really a guise to be sarcastic). You want nothing
more than to help a nice lemon meringue pie navigate its way to Karen’s entire
face. You’re smiling right now picturing it aren’t you? Trust me, I am too. But
we all know, unless the job is sponsoring a pie throwing event, it’s just not
an option. So what can you do? Here’s
what I did.
I
started a new job last summer. I fell in love with it. It was just my speed,
detailed enough to keep me interested, climate controlled, great benefits, pay…meh,
however I was in need, this job met my needs and quickly became my career path.
There was only one thing was stopping me from enjoying my daily routine, my
workplace bully, Karen. A passive-aggressive, snarky, and underhanded co-worker.
Highly skilled at her bullying craft to boot. On one occasion, it was concluded, she had taken a pertinent file and hid it on my desk to go to the
recycle bin. I have to admit, we have a bit of a generational gap. Though, I share
that gap with two other co-workers that never make me want ring their bell.
Nevertheless after 9 months, the whole situation come to boil. The morale
and teamwork had suffered. The situation was truly out of hand; the team had
split almost down the middle. I had to do something.
I was curious, was it me? Have I upset
the groove? I did some research and realized 2 people had left my department
because of Karen’s antics. So while I was grateful that the workplace bully’s
tactics eventually lead to my being gainfully employed, I was determined to not
be the next victim. Admittedly I did not
use the most professional tactic initially. I tried the “Back Off” Tactic. I plainly asked her “Do you ever get tired of
being evil? Or does Satan recharge your battery every night?” The look on her
face, priceless. Still I wasn’t satisfied. Had I helped the situation or have I
hurt it? Hurt it of course!
The
object is not to get them back. The object is to rise above the childish
behavior, while calling them to a higher place. So what next? I used my
resources, good advice in the first few months of employment there prompted me
to document everything including dates times and eye witnesses. With that
information I filed a formal complaint with the Human Resources Department. I
also requested a mediation, which she declined. So although, that didn’t work
for me it showed my co-workers as well as superiors I was willing to resolve
any issues.
Next I began to be very direct.
This is not a simple trait to develop. People are so used to trying to be kind
they forget to be real. While saying something to the affect of, “Excuse me
this is a private conversation, do you mind?” can come off as rude it’s not. You’ve
used your manners and requested them to do the same. It may not be welcomed,
but what you’ve done is set a healthy boundary. The key to being direct is to
find a middle ground in your tone, light years away from sarcasm and discourtesies.
Be sincere not passive aggressive.
Lastly I apologized. Sure, in my mind I felt
justified in my tongue lashing after 9 month of “professional purgatory”. I wasn’t.
In the professional world stay professional. It sets you apart from the Karens
in the office and allows your true colors to shine. Surprisingly enough she
apologized as well. After the apology the office had a lighter air to it. To
keep the air light, I didn’t engage with Karen any longer, unless we had to
work a case together. Work-life is sweet now. Did my actions change her?
Absolutely not. She is still very much a disruptive distraction to productivity
and peace. On the other hand my actions have changed my outlook and my response
to her actions.
What’s the moral to the story?
1.
Do your research, know who you’re dealing with.
2.
Document everything: times, dates, people present; every detail is
useful.
3.
Use your resources: Human Resources, Your
supervisor. This is why they get paid the big bucks to deal with the headaches
that you shouldn’t have to tolerate.
4.
Set healthy boundaries: Instead of joining in on
the negative behavior, no matter how tempting, rise above it and stay
professional.
5.
Apologize for your part: A simple sincere
apology can go a long way to improve the situation.
6.
Don’t engage: Know that all your actions haven’t
changed this person for good. So be realistic and navigate around them if
possible. If you have to engage, remember, stay professional.
If none of those things work I know a great Lemon
Meringue Pie Recipe.
*Name changed to protect identity
