Looking back on my mere 30 years I
can, in all sincerity, say life is short. By no means am I old but if 30
happened in a flash, I’m certain the next 30 will be a blur. Even if I live to
be 80 at the rate life passes I can blink and I’ll be 79. I look around and
think where has the time gone? Then I do a self-appraisal: what have I done
with my time? During my self-appraisal I seen the mistakes of my youth. Still, it
wasn’t enough for me to understand that I made them, to know that they were
irresponsible, and resolve not to repeat them. I wanted to know why I made them. So I hashed, rehashed,
replayed, and came to the realization the problem. It was surprisingly simple,
I was angry.
I say this and your thought may be:
why did it take you 30 years to realize you were feeling this? Great question! This
is not a simple emotion whose only recourse is to be displayed through violence,
belligerence, difficulty, and dismay. Those are the moments when anger is in
action, it’s peaked and can’t be concealed from your face or anyone else’s. I’m
addressing today the undercurrent covered by the still waters stemming from
those pivotal, life altering, and rude awakening moments in life that you
thought, because you lived through, you had conquered. This type is most perilous.
It’s a deceptive, pervasive and permeating spirit. It’s what I refer to as a
secondary emotion. People usually experience this type only after they’ve had the experience of the
initial emotion: embarrassment, hurt, humiliation, betrayal; to name just a few.
Possibly you endured the initial
emotion (embarrassment, hurt, humiliation, betrayal) as a child and hadn’t had
the opportunity, the experience or where-with-all to express properly, or even
realize and vocalize what you felt to purge yourself of the poison that will
soon turn rear its ugly head. Or perhaps your offender is someone you are ready
and willing to forgive, have even done so, but haven’t properly addressed the
situation. Now here comes resentment, the ugly 1st cousin. So here
we are feeling these initial emotions maybe even simultaneously. What do you think
will come next if these emotions continue to fester? Anger.
The most damage is done to the inner person. Anyone who
knows me well can tell you my outer spirit was fun, playful, and care-free. I
was clueless to that fact that I was
angry, to the fact I clung to and made decisions based on it.
Why cling on to it?
It's never intentional. If I had
been aware of my position I would have had a starting place for healing.
However, anger is very good at hiding in tolerated and all too common emotions
of our day like: sarcasm, cynicism, pessimism, being judgmental, emotional detachment,
including violence, risky behavior and irresponsibility. Unfortunately, these have become a coping mechanism;
a poor one but one nevertheless.
So what happens with this unchecked
and unresolved anger in clever disguise? We pass it along to others, it’s
infectious, highly contagious. Our mates, our children, our co-workers, our
friends, all get a dose and the cycle continues. As if this isn’t enough, it’s been
linked to other health problems: anxiety, heart attack, high blood pressure and
the list goes on. In short if left to its devices it can shorten your life span
and affect the quality of your relationships. Do you want to die angry and/or
alone? Of course not!
I was fortunate enough to realize
my predicament and speak to its derivation directly and resolve it. Everyone
does not have that opportunity. If you do have the opportunity speak to who you
may hold accountable, I encourage it. Realize, of course that as an adult it’s
no one else’s responsibility to make your life pleasurable. So don’t expect
that. If that’s simply not a possibility, write it down, talk to a loved one, talk
to a professional. Just express it, constructively of course! Otherwise once that
pressure has mounted you can expect a volcanic eruption. Your aim is to root
out the prime impediment to personal progress. This will require an honest assessment
of yourself, your past, your hand in the matter, if any.
- Am I angry?
- What’s the real cause for my anger?
- Who am I angry with? (Sometimes you can be angry with yourself.)
- Who should I really be angry with? (Again, it may be you.)
Realize
it is totally possible reach a desired location that you’ve never been too
without using a map. Wouldn’t it take more time, resources and leave room for you
to get lost without using the map? These questions are the road map to your
destination of progress. Don’t misunderstand me a life free from anger is not a
perfect one. We live in a system that is not conducive to perfection in our
life. No human can change that. Sometimes we will be justifiably angry. Still acknowledging
you are angry, identifying who you are angry with, having those hard
conversations, unloading the internal baggage can free up the energy you will
certainly need in this life to make it through the next 30 years without its
negative consequences.
Life is short don’t spend it angry.
