Nanas' Last Look

              

My feet were frozen in that spot, fused to the hideous green carpet in the stairwell of my mother’s apartment. As I watched the two paramedics struggle to wheel the large gurney through the narrow opening of my mother’s wooden trimmed apartment door, I went numb. Nanas' facial expression was one of complete exhaustion. Her body lay still, weak and frail and barely recognizable from the Grandmother I grew up loving. Yes, her hair was still in locks but now they had grayed. Yes, her skin still smelled of sweet lavender but it no longer had a bright shine. She had always been thin framed but now she was mostly skin and bones; outside of her distended stomach that gave her the appearance of being with child. The cancer had robbed her of the glow that was once synonymous with her. As I surveyed my best friend, I convinced myself if I didn’t tell her that I loved her that she couldn’t die. She locked eyes with me momentarily then as she rounded the stairwell she expended a flimsy but sincere smile. I just stared. I should have used the last moment that I would lay eyes her alive, to tell her just how much she meant to me and how much I did and still love her. 

Imagine This 1

Imagine..

You charge your phone. Tuck it in so to speak. Check your alarm for work in the morning, it's ready to go. So are you, you've prepared to brave your Monday!

But first you've prepared for sleep. You've slept great. Not one of the cat nap type of sleep, a deep Rem Cycle. Uninterrupted.

Uninterrupted! You're sleeping TOO GOOD! You overslept...about an hour. You start to think but realize you don't have time to think you have to get ready!

You send a text to your superiors alerting them that you will be right in....jump in the shower...hear an error....you'll send it again after you've dressed. You try again...another error. "Call Sprint later" you tell yourself.

Traffic is heavy today. Especially for this hour. You wonder is it you or does everyone have road rage this morning?

You try your text message again. This is at the 4-way stop sign that's taking foooorever. You attempt to call work....nothing no signal,no ringing. Restart, take battery out. OK try another call..nothing again.

Honk! The person behind you. Honks at you!

You make it work and park. Security is at the doors checking badges and Id's for entry. That's different. "Why?" you ask. "System down." they say. You get to your desk, start your computer, you see people talking in groups. No not about you. Something is going on here. Whose been fired? Or worse who dropped dead?

Seems like every landlines is ringing in the office. None of your work can up link to the Internet...Have you been fired?
Possibly?
Nah.

Coworker comes to you and asks you "Isn't this crazy?" Obviously you haven't gotten the memo. Puzzled you give no response when your co-worker says "NO INTERNET!"

NOT POSSIBLE!

Thinking back: no alarm, couldn't text out, couldn't call out, Heavy and irate traffic, no security system, no up link? Wait a moment had the Internet crashed?

A few co-workers near a radio...listening to a dry but frantic reporter give an" Update on the status of our Network Blackout and probability of a resolution."

Probability? What did that mean? Don't they mean when not if? So what else does that mean? No land line no phone service? No search engines, no: Snapchat,Facebook,Twitter, nothing. Social Media, No surfing, no testing, no email, no network no network reliant apps Ever again????

No streaming ,no sharing, no liking, no surfing, no downloading, no uploading, no passwords? No Internet.

Your world just changed..

Picture yourself there and picture the rest of your day Enjoy your imagination!

What Does Friendship Look Like?

Having a real friend means never being alone, unless by choice. It means having someone to tell your deepest darkest secrets to and knowing its safer than the secrets in Fort Knox.

            It means never having to explain your inner emotions other than detailing, because the moment they see your face, hear your voice, or get in your presence they are so connected to you they know when your aura is off. They know you so well that, before you even respond to a happening they know what you will say, feel, think. 

           Friendship means support: emotional, mental, spiritually even. It means having someone to tell you truth even when you don't want to hear it but need to hear it. True friendship means loyalty, openness, love, honesty, dependability. It means open dialogue at any time of day, in any season, for any reason.

          I've always valued my friendly relationships and tried to display these qualities. That value came from being a Navy brat. Moving around a lot never promoted stability in a friendship. In fact what I learned, is that all relationships are temporary, even good ones. It's the lesson I took away from it even if its not true.

         I do know it's not true. I see people with friends from diapers, since they were 5 or 12 years old, long-term friendships. These relationships should be highly valued and those in them should consider yourselves

very fortunate and blessed. There are some who don't have that and have no idea what it feels like in a human to human factor.

          For those who don't have that and feel empty or alone I want to say:
YOU DO HAVE THAT FRIEND. 

        God is really all the friend you need. He hits every mark even down to the open dialogue through His word the Bible. There's no better friend to have, truly. Not a stronger one. Not one more willing or capeable to help in times of distress. Don't overlook that.

That's my sermon for today.
Have a good weekend!

Love is A 14-Piece Puzzle

I sometimes wonder if being in love equals being a fool. Is it the same thing? Every time I’ve had deep emotions for a person and they let me down (as everyone will, because no one is perfect) I regretted ever opening my heart. I look at married couples and honestly very few do I admire. Just about everyone I know who’s married has a grey area. I see or hear something about the marriage and immediately think “No friggin way! I would never put up with that in a million years.” But is the tradeoff being single? Or is there a happy medium anywhere?

I'm aware pride is for the fool. But haven’t you heard that “love is for fools” and” love don’t love nobody?”  Or is my love button broken? Is it me? I truly can’t imagine being a fool for love. Then again, as I look over my past relationships, I have before. However, when I was playing the fool (as we all have at some point in time) I didn’t care! Being with that person meant more to me than the appearance of being in control. So is that what love’s about? Does real love numb pride and thinking capacity? 

Pride

Honestly, numbing pride doesn’t seem so bad. Pride can be detrimental to any relationship. But who says which issues to yield on? I suppose that’s where picking your battles come in. Now can someone define for me where the line between pride and self-respect is? In my opinion it’s a really thin line that may blur when you’re in love. 

Thinking Capacity

The moment that thin line is no longer visible, does your brain power flat-line? No longer do you care about pride so when your mate commits what used to be the unthinkable and serious violation the heart takes over and you’re like “I’ll never let go, Jack” ( in my best Rose from the Titanic voice). I don’t get it!? Again maybe my love button is broken.

I Wonder

Maybe, just maybe, I’m meant to be alone. Don’t misread me, I’m not made of stone. I desire companionship, a teammate, a travel partner, a counter-part (I don’t think we were designed to be alone, although we have the capacity). But at what expense?  Is this “better-half” notion just something people idealize?  Or is it that the idea of love is different from the reality of love?  

Is the reality that, when you’re in love sometimes you’ll be irrational, sometimes you’ll capitulate, sometimes you’ll be a fool, sometimes you bend and bend and bend without breaking? I have to be honest with myself and say I don’t think I was designed to love, none of that sounds appealing to me. I think love maybe one of those things that you have to take the good with the bad.

Deception. Who's at fault?

Deception: The act of causing to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid

Written by Vannique
Illustration by Alexander Keeton


In this world it's all to common to see deception in many facets. Deception in business practices, in relationships; romantic, platonic or otherwise.

So who can cause you to accept something as true although it's false? My answer is: only you, only me, only ourselves.

See in order to be deceived, we must first be aware of the truth. Otherwise, it's not deception. If we never knew the truth to begin with we cant exchange it for what's false. So deception begins only when we know our potential mates aren't the one, when we've seen with our own eyes that this person we consider a friend has 2 faces,  when we were warned about doing business with a company... and have made the conscious or subconscious choice to overlook or pardon any red flags because of our own desires.

Desire: Sometimes Deadly

Our desires are sometimes treacherous being controlled by the heart and all. When our heart really desires something (even when borne out of pure necessity and not foolish wants) whether it's love, true friendship, money.... whatever it may be.. our heart releases a scent of desperation that some are waiting to take advantage of because it quenches their inner desire.

Eve was Deceived

Let us think about Adam and Eve. Eve was deceived. Although she knew for a certainty that she was not to eat from the tree of knowledge, she did anyway. How do we know that she knew better? When questioned about Gods commands regarding it, she replied in harmony with them. She quoted the location of the tree, the name and the trees purpose, that she should not even touch it, and the result if she had. Fully aware of the situation she still allowed herself to be deceived. WHY? Satan told her she would be like God. He even said she would not die. At some point in time Satan noticed the desire in her to be God-like. Its also possible that Satan was counting on Eve having similar desires as him.  Eve allowed herself to trade in what she knew to be truth for a lie.

How unfortunate. We probably think to ourselves... "Not me I know the sky is blue no one could ever convince me its not." And you would be right! Only you could convince yourself to believe the lie.

Correct Me if I'm Wrong but the Color of that Flag is Red.

What should have been a red flag for her? Maybe the fact that a snake was speaking to her. I don't know about you but the moment my dog (who I love dearly) utters one intelligible word to me, I can assure you it won't be a Disney Movie moment.

What about the fact that Satans' information vastly differed from her original information. After all we are talking life and death here. If I receive differing information on a recipe I keep searching until I've reached a sound conclusion. Some recipes aren't forgiving.

So the combination of her hearts desire and ignoring of the red flags were a recipe for disaster.

Relationship Types

Business

Have you already had doubt's about it? Why? Have you noticed any red flags? Maybe the breaking of appointments, the changing of prices, the avoiding of answers, the poor customer service. What keeps you doing business? At this point you've seen all you need to see to know all you need to know. The choice is yours.

A Faux-friendship.

You share your personal details with them. They may even share some with you. You begin to trust this faux-friend only to later be fully aware that they are a foe. How did you miss it? Were they're red flags? Did you ever hear from them things that didn't sit well with you? Most likely so, but you know your definition of friend and what you've seen, despite the feigning of true friendship, is vastly different. The choice is yours.

Romantic Relationship?

We are all guilty of wanting to see the best in someone. Good people look for the good in others and while doing so overlook major flaws and red flags. Flaws and flags that they would readily notice were desire not playing a larger part then logic. Romantic matters of the heart are especially dangerous. Even when all is well, we get caught up in the rapture of it all, swept off our feet, float on air, on cloud nine... All these expressions denote losing touch with reality. If you lose touch with reality in an unhealthy relationship... how dangerous? So many pit-falls!

I feel it safe to say that losing touch with reality and deception, in any situation, are one in the same. Overlooking the known truths and red flags equals: Deception.

Doctors Orders: The Remedy

There is a quote from one of my favorite authors, Dr. Maya Angelou that cures the possibility of deception: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

With that said it bears stating that no one human is perfect and at some point every person will fail to meet your self defined standards or expectations; even when they do love you or mean you no harm. Some may be unaware that they've sent up a red flag. Others purposely send red flags, speak cunningly, and play the game to see how far you will allow them to go.

The job of evaluating a situation in its entirety, comparing it to our set standards and known truths, acknowledging red flags and subtracting our hearts desire, belongs to each individual themselves. If your expecting a deceitful person to come correct your deceiving yourself.

Don't fall for the Bullfrog!

Written by: Vannique

Illustration by: Alexander Keeton

I was recently told that : A bullfrog could be boiled alive and never attempt to jump out so long as the water began at room temperature.

Don't try this at home people! But let's give this a once over.

The frogs natural habitat has water. He's used to getting wet. For him, nothing unusual here. As the water rises slowly to 90° he acclimates. Then another 20° he acclimates. This acclimation continues all the way until the boiling point of 212° F. Now I'm no frog, (Resist the urge!) but I would think at some point it was too hot! But not for Jeremiah the Bullfrog.( I couldn't resist the urge!) Why did he stay? Jeremiah got desensitized to the escalation of his situation. And probably at one point thought to himself..."Mmm...cozy".

"Mmm Cozy" -Famous  Last Words

Now, I don't know if this is true or really just an old wives tale. However, here's one thing I do know : We humans can be just as dim to the severity and possible horrific outcomes when in a worsening situation. Somewhere in the scheme we accept what should be rejected.

The environment or whatever the situation we may be in, may be our norm. Going where we always go., doing what we've always done. Much like the frog in the water.

But is something amiss? Have you suddenly found yourself in your habits or situations accompanied by growing problems? Maybe you'd laid off of a healthy habit that you once had. Let's use the example of exercise. You skip a few days and say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". But we all know what happens: 3 days later you gain 50 lbs.

Let's up the stakes a few notches: You're in a longterm relationship, sent from Satan himself and rapidly declining. Somewhere in there you say to yourself: "Mmmm Comfy". You say: "I don't want to be single, I don't want to be solely responsible financially, where will I live? What about the car?" While you're thinking instead of moving, you may be approaching that "boiling point" of no return.

One more notch: A bad habit....pick one, any one, there's plenty to choose from: smoking, overdrinking, illicit drug use, losing your temper ect. These may have been apart of your habitat. They may be your norm. Chances are though you're seen different...even if it was just on TV. If left unrealized and unchecked how much "hot water" can any one of these  get you into.

Change is not "Mmmm Comfy"

Neither is any action you take to get to a higher ground. Jumping out the pot of boiling water, could land you on a hot stove (a difficult situation) yes, it's true. But it can also save your life. Self analysis (asking yourself the hard questions, or others and accepting the cold truth), coupled with making the choice, sticking to that choice and following through will bring positive change. 

The same person who shared this with me pointed out something  else its not enough to just take this thing away from yourself you also have to give yourself something positive in place of the bad habit or situation (even if not just to occupy your time and energy) is the start to change. *** This is not saying go find a person to waste time with that you have no real emotional attachment or possible future with!***

The Lesson In It All

Being complacent in an increasingly worsening situation can cost you your life. Not always in death, but maybe in quality. Seek growth...seek positive change. Don't fall for the bullfrog.

What's Your Problem; Idiom?!

By Vannique

"To every action there's a reaction."  "For every cause there is an effect." So let's say your kids are running through the house; this is the action or cause. While disobeying your rule :"No playing in the house cause you could break something you or me can't afford, fix or replace!" (This includes their necks. ) The kiddos ignore you; and the effect: Knock over your brand new, big screen, hi-def, wi-fi, smart TV with 3D capacity. (I think those exist?) Of course, you opted out of the insurance/replacement plan because of the manufacturers warranty, and when you purchased the TV 10 days ago they said you could add it in 30 days if you changed your mind. 

At the register you thought to yourself "I should probably buy this for an additional $300" then you remember "schools starting and I've got other things to buy we actually need.... Nothing is gonna happen to it" As you recall this fiduciary and mental transaction, during the slow motion run toward the television that has hit the floor in pieces faster than you ever thought possible, You remember something else you learned long ago that you wished you would've recalled at the register: Murphy's Law: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

So what now?  What's your reaction?  Some of you are just in tears unable to function (Its almost football season! Now how are you gonna see the NY Giants get the 5th ring for 2015? GO BIG BLUE!!)  Some of you are thinking of how best to punish the children. Yet and still others of you are searching for a solution to the current situation.  You're in correct the crisis mode. Analyzing, prioritizing, rationalizing, reasoning. This group realizes the meaning of the idiom: No use of crying over spilled milk. 

Its not that the issue is small. . The point of the idiom, from Vanniques view, is to be solution oriented.  Clean up the milk before it soaks into your carpet and smells of mold and spoiled milk. (More Problems!) Before the milk sets too long on your hardwood floors and ruins the finish! (More Problems!) Before a visitor slips in the milk and sues your pants off.(More Problems!) See my point here? By not being solution oriented then the one problem just expands to more problems. Not fun, trust me.

I firmly believe to every problem there is a solution. Though the solution may not be ideal. Though it may be progressive rather than immediate, therefore requiring patience which for some is difficult to develop; still there is a solution. What if you've run into   something seeming to be a problem that appears to have not a solution. There could be a few reasons why.

1.) You've declined the solution:

You have an answer but it's not ideal. It does nothing for your fancy. It eats at your pride  (which can sometimes be treacherous.) Although it resolves the issue it's not to your liking. So you reject it.

2.)That you've not exhausted all your options or possibilities:

Sometimes we get a one track mind to our problem and only see one way out.  This way of thinking can be an impediment to a solution.  Thinking fast, or fast-tracking to your solution is fine, and sometimes necessary. But at times there is not an obvious solution or a fast track and you've got to think outside of the box. "There is more than one way to skin a cat"....or so I've been told.

Last but not least; a reason to be reckoned with.

3.) It's not a problem at all; it's  an Absolute:

Meaning there  is no "solution". Its the way it is, nothing can change it. I'm not quick to put things in the absolute category because it can create a defeatist attitude, becoming a catch-all to every problem that arises.  Its important to be able to recognize the difference. With that said though this must be said: Absolutes do exist. If there wasn't there would be no "Serenity Prayer." Even with absolutes there are still options: Accept it is one option. Or reject it completely.  This meaning dismiss it, never to be revisited again. I'm not quick to do the latter either. If you're quickly dismissive you may overlook something. 

I feel all problems and absolutes bare scrutiny and analysis, to decide which they are and which road to take.  Scrutiny and analysis mean nothing though, if it's not in a solution oriented manner. So when facing a problem remember these idioms:

"Every cause has and effect."

"For every action there is a reaction." 

"Don't cry over spilled milk."

"For every problem there is a solution."

"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

And

"Some things are absolute."