TEMPLE CLEAN

Golden Temple India

TEMPLE CLEAN

At the house of your estranged, dead wife I dined. My mother and I were welcomed to stay as long as we wanted or so the invitation read. At the door a knock. I stand to look out of the peephole. Now my stomach turns.  Two scantily clad women then you. You in all your misery... stumbling.. smiling... enjoying the decadence of your debauchery. Your presence is unexpected and unwelcome. Now the doorbell. Look at the smile you wear. Disgusted I ask "What brings you here?" Recognizing the voice of the little girl whose body you violated, whose trust you earned so very undeserved, whose life you turned upside and out with your perversion...  your smile widens. My stomach stopped turning and rage began burning. I now realized... You are the devil... it wasn't the action of violating my body that thrilled you...it was the action of corrupting my soul...not the tarnishing of my temple... but the rusting of its contents was your true pleasure. If it's contents were destroyed by vandals and scandal then it could be a home for any old transient, derelict and harlot. From your point of view it would make your type worthy of entry. I opened the door. Did you somehow believe that little girl was still I...all these years later? Did you think that the single bullet remaining in my .38 wasn't especially reserved for you? Where'd your smile go after I pulled the trigger and let the pistol blow? Your women didn't weep. Your women didn't run.  They took decent clothes from their bags, dressed, smiled and turned away. My mother runs to the door. Behind me I hear her voice: "What have you done sweet child of mine?" My response as I stepped over your lifeless body gripping her right hand while the left covered her face in shock: "The world a favor." Your smile vanished as did the tarnish of my temple as did the corruption of it's contents...as did the pain of the memories. 

Shape the Clay

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome" - Hope Floats

I heard this I thought to myself: Is it true? Then I wondered: If so how is it true? Why is it true? Why do these things stick with us?

How is it true?

As children we begin as lumps of clay. Pliable, malleable and impressionable. Childhood interactions, pains, happinesses, successes, failings, friends, our caretakers, our teachers  affect who we will become. Everyone that has a hand in our lives leaves an indelible imprint and shapes us into the adults we are to become. Each interaction molds our thoughts and emotions.

Why is it true?

As children we are powerless to our life and its happenings.  From the moment we are born until we reach the age of independence we are in a state of complete reliance on others for the bare necessities and essentials: food, shelter, clothing as well as mental, emotional and physical security.

Why do they stick with us?

We make the choice to hold onto the defects. Whether consciously or unwittingly, its a decision.

I've heard it said before that someone is "a product of their environment". Can a violent environment only produce a violent product? Can an impoverished environment only produce a poor product? Will an angry or aggressive environment only produce the like? Will a positive environment only produce a positive product? I disagree.

Admittedly, your chances of being shaped by your environment are higher than being shaped after something you've never witnessed or experienced firsthand but does it mean that it's impossible? I feel it's possible. Granted, if you didn't have certain things, it may take more time and effort to understand, to acquire or understand how to acquire what you lacked. But, after independence in its tangible physical form from whatever situation you endured as a child, the next thing you need is mental independence. The ability to think, and more importantly feel beyond your past. To recognize you're free from the mental or emotional bondage you may have endured. The clarity to realize the choice is yours to repeat the treatment, cling to the pain or let go.

You certainly can overcome, any shaping you may have received. Nothing about the shaping makes it permanent. Our decision to embrace the shaping or reject the shaping is the "hard firing". It may be that we have to decide to accept or reject that shaping on a daily basis.

It may be that we realized the defect long after its initiation, it may be we were oblivious to the defect until someone pointed it out. Whatever the case, once we know it's there we can't ignore it. Hard fire new traits, new habits, new outlooks make the choice every day to reshape the clay.